So because my fic collection for the Super Junior fandom is slowly becoming more extensive, here is a post that conveniently links to any and all of my works, for easy reading.
Sorted chronologically and by primary pairing (secondary pairings are mentioned in parentheses next to title, listed from most prominent to least prominent).
In an attempt to keep this list as succinct and clean as possible, oneshots for the 100 Super Junior Fic Challenge will not be added to this archive. Instead, you can find them here.
Desire and Necessity (KyuMin)
0) a rather lengthy prologue
1) circumstantial friendships
In Blanket's Snow (EunHae)
1) to freeze what has already melted
2) to pick up broken snowflakes
The Highwinds (KyuMin)
0) prologue
1) chapter 1
2) chapter 2
Saving Private ______ Series || crack, random humor
1) Saving Private Kibum, and then some
2) Saving Private Sungmin, and then some
Stairway to Heaven (Siwon-centric)
1) chapter one
KiHae Oneshots
1) Lottery || romance, friendship
2) Boxing || romance, angst
3) Collapse || romance, friendship
4) Conflict (w/ KyuMin) || romance, angst
5) Sweat || romance
6) Optimal || romance, friendship
7) Irony (w/ HanChul and KyuMin) || romance, humor
8) Snow (w/ KyuMin, EunHae, YeWook) || humor, romance
9) Competition (w/ SiHanChul, YeWook, KyuMin, EunHae, KiEunHae) || humor, romance
10) Waiting || angst, romance
11) Puppeteer || fluff, romance
12) Circle || fluff
13) Beat || crack, fluff, romance
14) Fic Meme || 10 drabbles, fluff, angst, friendship, romance
15) Portrait (w/ Eunhae) || angst
KyuMin Oneshots
1) Reflection || romance, friendship
2) Rumor (w/ YeWook, YeMin, KiHae) || romance, friendship
3) Happy || friendship, angst
4) Telephone (w/ Kyuhyun/?, YeWook, HanChul, KiHae, EunHae) || romance, angst.
5) Heart (w/ QMi) || angst, romance
6) Proclamation (w/ KiHae) || romance
7) Blackout (w/ basically everything) || crack, humor, romance
8) Alphabet || poetry, friendship, romance
9) Birthday || friendship
10) Value || fluff
11) Text || humor, romance, fluff
12) Tears || friendship, AU
13) Fic Meme || 10 drabbles, fluff, angst, friendship, romance
14) Choices || angst
YeWook Oneshots
1) Moment || friendship
2) Piano || friendship, romance
3) Diary (w/ KyuMin)|| angst, romance
EunHae Oneshots
1) Fable || humor, romance
2) Unconventional || fluff, romance
SiChul Oneshots
1) God || humor, romance
2) Kneeling || humor, romance, reprise of (#1) above
KyuHae Oneshots
1) Mandarin (w/ HenWook) || humor, romance
2) Because I love you || angst
3) Fic Meme || 10 drabbles, fluff, angst, friendship, romance
4) Of StarCraft and bribery || romance, humor
SungWook Oneshots
1) Roles || humor, romance
HaeMin Oneshots
1) Nightmare - Part I (w/ KyuMin) || dark, angst, AU
2) Nightmare - Part II (w/ KyuMin) || dark, angst, AU
SiHan Oneshots
1) Forever (w/HanChul) || angst
2) Wish || friendship, AU
KiMin Oneshots
1) Pursuit || fluff
2) Fic Meme || 10 drabbles, fluff, angst, friendship, romance
YeMin Oneshots
1) Prettier than a sexy samurai (and sexier than a pretty boy, for that matter) || humor
KyuHaeMin Oneshots
1) Wanna play a game? || smut (not PWP)
SiMin Oneshots
1) Tomorrow (w/ Kyumin) || friendship
Other
1) Trust (Yesung/Ddangkkoma, w/ YeWook) || humor
2) Misconception (Kihae, Kyumin, Sihan) || humor
3) Prohibition (Kihae, Kyumin, Kangteuk, Yewookkoma, Henwook) || humor
4) The Picket Fence || angst
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
KiHae: Irony (#7)
Bah I need ideas for a chaptered fic. In other news, I'm writing this instead of studying for a Linear Algebra final... yay.
This one contains hints of HanChul, as well as ninja!KyuMin. Have fun reading~
Title: Irony (#7)
Word Count: 1811
Rating: PG-13?
Started/Finished: 12.08.09 / 12.08.09
Music Muse: PlayRadioPlay!, "Even Fairy Characters Would Be Jealous."
Description: Irony plays with us in ways that frustrate us, but in the end it's probably for our own good.
One day, without really knowing why, KiBum finds himself being yelled at.
"You're so stupid," he finds DongHae saying to him, though he really doesn't know why. "Is that really so hard to ask, Kibummie?"
KiBum only stares. "Ask what, exactly?"
"And you weren't even listening?" DongHae is clearly mad, which puts KiBum at unease. "I already mentioned it twice already!"
"No Hae, you didn't -- !"
"Hyung," corrects DongHae snappishly, silencing KiBum. "You know what, KiBum-ah, I've just about had it. Remind me next time not to invest so much on a person who doesn't take relationships seriously."
"Hae, what are you -- ?" but DongHae is already out the door before KiBum can manage much else. The silence in their dorm does not really trouble KiBum though, because he knows DongHae will be back by the next morning.
But in the rare case DongHae is actually serious, KiBum tells himself, he better tell me what he's going on about.
Because KiBum still doesn't know by the time he goes to bed.
The next morning, KiBum awakes to an empty bed. But it takes a little while for KiBum to remember the significance of this. He barely recognizes DongHae's silent treatment, and he completely misses the angry glares DongHae shoots in his direction. And of course breakfast that morning ends with DongHae running out of the dorms, and it's only then that KiBum remembers their arguments of the night before.
HyukJae attempts to talk to him after breakfast, though his success is rather questionable.
"Hae really didn't tell me why he was angry," KiBum says in his defense.
But HyukJae, having only heard DongHae's side, only shrugs in uncertainty. "He says you weren't paying attention, which is why you didn't hear him."
"I was paying attention," KiBum retorts. "And he didn't say anything. He just thinks he did because his mind speaks faster than his mouth."
HyukJae shrugs again. "He says you don't express yourself enough, like you're just in it for the benefits he gives you."
"But I'm not."
"But it feels that way to him," said HyukJae. "You make the relationship seem one-sided, you know?"
"Not really, no."
HyukJae sighs. "This is why DongHae should really be telling you these things himself! Like I know how he feels...."
"So why isn't he?"
"Because he's mad at you. I thought that was obvious?"
Success, KiBum decides, is subjective.
KiBum turns to HeeChul next, since DongHae used to say that HeeChul was a man known for his advice. But HeeChul really has no desire to help KiBum at the moment, as he has his own HanKyung-related problems to deal with. And since KiBum doesn't quite want to embark on a "Get HeeChul His Daily Dose of HanKyung" quest, he gives up on that route entirely.
So instead he talks to YeSung, who isn't pleased at all that he's suddenly been pulled into their affairs.
"All I did was listen to DongHae rant at lunch. Why me, DdangKoma?"
KiBum, of course, ignores the remark completely. "Hyung, please, what did he say to you?"
YeSung turns away from his turtle and sighs. "I don't know, something about how you make your relationship too difficult because you never tell him what you want. To be honest, I didn't even know you guys were together until he started ranting to me."
KiBum ignores the last part completely. "It's not like he lives to please me, hyung! Why is it my fault that I didn't come with a complete list of likes and dislikes?"
"He says half the time he doesn't know if he's doing the right because you don't express yourself enough. But I don't know KiBum-ah, why can't you just ask him y0urself?"
Instead of replying with the slightly more honest "Because I don't know what I'm supposed to be asking him about," KiBum chooses to quote a rather wise young man instead.
"Because he's mad at me. I thought that was obvious?"
KiBum doesn't have to look far for someone else to ask counsel from, because the instant KiBum returns to his room SungMin barges in with the largest grin on his face.
"A little birdie tells me you and a certain other are having relationship problems!" he says in a very singsong manner, and it takes almost all of KiBum's efforts to not lash out at the man for his behavior.
"Did Hae rant to you, too?"
"No, I just overheard your conversation in YeSung's room."
"At least you're honest." Neither man talks immediately; in particular KiBum doesn't talk because, if SungMin really had overheard, there was really no point in wasting his breath. In the end though, when SungMin refuses to show signs of talking any time soon, KiBum gives up and spills the details once more.
"Maybe he's angry at you because you don't respect him as your elder," SungMin says when KiBum finishes his story. "I mean, why else would he snap at you for not calling him hyung?"
"You missed the point entirely," KiBum mutters bitterly. "No wonder he keeps saying you never take a hint." And though SungMin doesn't have a clue what or who he's referring to, KiBum leaves it at that.
When HeeChul's finally satisfied with his HanKyung time, he decides to hear KiBum out. But the information KiBum receives is more or less the same thing KiBum's other hyungs have already told him, and he feels slightly relieved that he hadn't aided in HeeChul's quest, since it had yielded unfruitful results in the end anyway.
"He obviously feels like he's the only one maintaining the relationship."
"So I've been told."
"It's only because you don't put as much into it as he does, so to say."
"So I've been told."
"You should really talk to him yourself."
"So I've been told."
"And don't talk to your hyung like that!"
"So I've been told."
In the end, KiBum decides that HeeChul's helpfulness must have an inverse relationship with his age, because there's no way that was the same man who helped DongHae ask KiBum out to their first date.
SiWon's advice is perhaps the only advice that differs from his other hyungs.
"DongHae wouldn't stop talking about you today."
"Really now," KiBum asks unenthusiastically, almost to the point where it isn't even a question.
SiWon nods. "He says he doesn't understand why you won't tell him anything, even though he always takes the time to tell you stuff."
"Oh, so now he's supposed to be my box of secrets, too?"
"That's what I told him!" SiWon exclaims, which actually shocks KiBum for a moment. But all shock fades away when SiWon opens his mouth again.
"Actually," SiWon continues, his hands now talking more than his lips; "I told hyung that he shouldn't confide in you and that he shouldn't ask you to confide in him. Because you know, if only he confided more in God--"
"Hyung... I think you're mistaking him for HeeChul."
Right before KiBum decides to ask Leader for his opinion, DongHae stops him in the hall.
"I hate you."
"I know," KiBum replies. "Everyone in this house does, too."
DongHae shakes his head furiously. "I don't understand, KiBum-ah. I think you've talked to everyone in this house more than you've ever talked to me about anything!"
"That's not true," SungMin's voice says suddenly, conveniently emerging from a nearby doorway. "He so far hasn't talked to ShinDong, HanKyung, RyeoWook--"
"Stop being a pain," KyuHyun's voice interjects, and his hand appears out of nowhere and pulls SungMin back into their room. KiBum manages to hear SungMin yell 'And Kyuhyunnie, too!' before KyuHyun's hand reemerges to slam shut the door. Then after follows a silence, which lasts quite a while since both boys had been thrown off guard by the interruption.
DongHae is the first to continue the conversation. "You talked to everyone about me, KiBum-ah. You probably said more meaningful things to them than you ever did to me."
"Ah, I don't quite think so...." KiBum smiles as the conversations replay in his head; in particular, he finds the ones with HeeChul, SiWon, and SungMin rather amusing in nature.
However, since DongHae can't read KiBum's mind, he gets angry once more. "You told them how you felt, didn't you? That's much more than anything you've ever told me! Gah!"
And before KiBum really has time to register what's going on, DongHae storms off yet again. But at least this time, he knows why.
A little before dinner, KiBum compiles a list of reasons for why DongHae is angry with him.
(gets bricked for no reason)
My attempt at mentioning more characters. Though I still have yet to use KangIn in a story.... *Adds KangIn to SungMin's list*
In terms of quality of writing, I really like my angsty fics better. But since most of you like happier endings, I think I can bear a few non-angst fics here and there :)
This one contains hints of HanChul, as well as ninja!KyuMin. Have fun reading~
Title: Irony (#7)
Word Count: 1811
Rating: PG-13?
Started/Finished: 12.08.09 / 12.08.09
Music Muse: PlayRadioPlay!, "Even Fairy Characters Would Be Jealous."
Description: Irony plays with us in ways that frustrate us, but in the end it's probably for our own good.
Irony
One day, without really knowing why, KiBum finds himself being yelled at.
"You're so stupid," he finds DongHae saying to him, though he really doesn't know why. "Is that really so hard to ask, Kibummie?"
KiBum only stares. "Ask what, exactly?"
"And you weren't even listening?" DongHae is clearly mad, which puts KiBum at unease. "I already mentioned it twice already!"
"No Hae, you didn't -- !"
"Hyung," corrects DongHae snappishly, silencing KiBum. "You know what, KiBum-ah, I've just about had it. Remind me next time not to invest so much on a person who doesn't take relationships seriously."
"Hae, what are you -- ?" but DongHae is already out the door before KiBum can manage much else. The silence in their dorm does not really trouble KiBum though, because he knows DongHae will be back by the next morning.
But in the rare case DongHae is actually serious, KiBum tells himself, he better tell me what he's going on about.
Because KiBum still doesn't know by the time he goes to bed.
The next morning, KiBum awakes to an empty bed. But it takes a little while for KiBum to remember the significance of this. He barely recognizes DongHae's silent treatment, and he completely misses the angry glares DongHae shoots in his direction. And of course breakfast that morning ends with DongHae running out of the dorms, and it's only then that KiBum remembers their arguments of the night before.
HyukJae attempts to talk to him after breakfast, though his success is rather questionable.
"Hae really didn't tell me why he was angry," KiBum says in his defense.
But HyukJae, having only heard DongHae's side, only shrugs in uncertainty. "He says you weren't paying attention, which is why you didn't hear him."
"I was paying attention," KiBum retorts. "And he didn't say anything. He just thinks he did because his mind speaks faster than his mouth."
HyukJae shrugs again. "He says you don't express yourself enough, like you're just in it for the benefits he gives you."
"But I'm not."
"But it feels that way to him," said HyukJae. "You make the relationship seem one-sided, you know?"
"Not really, no."
HyukJae sighs. "This is why DongHae should really be telling you these things himself! Like I know how he feels...."
"So why isn't he?"
"Because he's mad at you. I thought that was obvious?"
Success, KiBum decides, is subjective.
KiBum turns to HeeChul next, since DongHae used to say that HeeChul was a man known for his advice. But HeeChul really has no desire to help KiBum at the moment, as he has his own HanKyung-related problems to deal with. And since KiBum doesn't quite want to embark on a "Get HeeChul His Daily Dose of HanKyung" quest, he gives up on that route entirely.
So instead he talks to YeSung, who isn't pleased at all that he's suddenly been pulled into their affairs.
"All I did was listen to DongHae rant at lunch. Why me, DdangKoma?"
KiBum, of course, ignores the remark completely. "Hyung, please, what did he say to you?"
YeSung turns away from his turtle and sighs. "I don't know, something about how you make your relationship too difficult because you never tell him what you want. To be honest, I didn't even know you guys were together until he started ranting to me."
KiBum ignores the last part completely. "It's not like he lives to please me, hyung! Why is it my fault that I didn't come with a complete list of likes and dislikes?"
"He says half the time he doesn't know if he's doing the right because you don't express yourself enough. But I don't know KiBum-ah, why can't you just ask him y0urself?"
Instead of replying with the slightly more honest "Because I don't know what I'm supposed to be asking him about," KiBum chooses to quote a rather wise young man instead.
"Because he's mad at me. I thought that was obvious?"
KiBum doesn't have to look far for someone else to ask counsel from, because the instant KiBum returns to his room SungMin barges in with the largest grin on his face.
"A little birdie tells me you and a certain other are having relationship problems!" he says in a very singsong manner, and it takes almost all of KiBum's efforts to not lash out at the man for his behavior.
"Did Hae rant to you, too?"
"No, I just overheard your conversation in YeSung's room."
"At least you're honest." Neither man talks immediately; in particular KiBum doesn't talk because, if SungMin really had overheard, there was really no point in wasting his breath. In the end though, when SungMin refuses to show signs of talking any time soon, KiBum gives up and spills the details once more.
"Maybe he's angry at you because you don't respect him as your elder," SungMin says when KiBum finishes his story. "I mean, why else would he snap at you for not calling him hyung?"
"You missed the point entirely," KiBum mutters bitterly. "No wonder he keeps saying you never take a hint." And though SungMin doesn't have a clue what or who he's referring to, KiBum leaves it at that.
When HeeChul's finally satisfied with his HanKyung time, he decides to hear KiBum out. But the information KiBum receives is more or less the same thing KiBum's other hyungs have already told him, and he feels slightly relieved that he hadn't aided in HeeChul's quest, since it had yielded unfruitful results in the end anyway.
"He obviously feels like he's the only one maintaining the relationship."
"So I've been told."
"It's only because you don't put as much into it as he does, so to say."
"So I've been told."
"You should really talk to him yourself."
"So I've been told."
"And don't talk to your hyung like that!"
"So I've been told."
In the end, KiBum decides that HeeChul's helpfulness must have an inverse relationship with his age, because there's no way that was the same man who helped DongHae ask KiBum out to their first date.
SiWon's advice is perhaps the only advice that differs from his other hyungs.
"DongHae wouldn't stop talking about you today."
"Really now," KiBum asks unenthusiastically, almost to the point where it isn't even a question.
SiWon nods. "He says he doesn't understand why you won't tell him anything, even though he always takes the time to tell you stuff."
"Oh, so now he's supposed to be my box of secrets, too?"
"That's what I told him!" SiWon exclaims, which actually shocks KiBum for a moment. But all shock fades away when SiWon opens his mouth again.
"Actually," SiWon continues, his hands now talking more than his lips; "I told hyung that he shouldn't confide in you and that he shouldn't ask you to confide in him. Because you know, if only he confided more in God--"
"Hyung... I think you're mistaking him for HeeChul."
Right before KiBum decides to ask Leader for his opinion, DongHae stops him in the hall.
"I hate you."
"I know," KiBum replies. "Everyone in this house does, too."
DongHae shakes his head furiously. "I don't understand, KiBum-ah. I think you've talked to everyone in this house more than you've ever talked to me about anything!"
"That's not true," SungMin's voice says suddenly, conveniently emerging from a nearby doorway. "He so far hasn't talked to ShinDong, HanKyung, RyeoWook--"
"Stop being a pain," KyuHyun's voice interjects, and his hand appears out of nowhere and pulls SungMin back into their room. KiBum manages to hear SungMin yell 'And Kyuhyunnie, too!' before KyuHyun's hand reemerges to slam shut the door. Then after follows a silence, which lasts quite a while since both boys had been thrown off guard by the interruption.
DongHae is the first to continue the conversation. "You talked to everyone about me, KiBum-ah. You probably said more meaningful things to them than you ever did to me."
"Ah, I don't quite think so...." KiBum smiles as the conversations replay in his head; in particular, he finds the ones with HeeChul, SiWon, and SungMin rather amusing in nature.
However, since DongHae can't read KiBum's mind, he gets angry once more. "You told them how you felt, didn't you? That's much more than anything you've ever told me! Gah!"
And before KiBum really has time to register what's going on, DongHae storms off yet again. But at least this time, he knows why.
A little before dinner, KiBum compiles a list of reasons for why DongHae is angry with him.
1
Because I apparently don't talk enough.
2
Because I apparently don't tell him my secrets.
3
Because I don't call him hyung, even if it was his request not to.
4
Because I never verbally express how I feel, even though my actions do it all the time.
5
Because I apparently never pay attention.
6
Because I apparently don't take our relationship seriously.
Because I apparently don't talk enough.
2
Because I apparently don't tell him my secrets.
3
Because I don't call him hyung, even if it was his request not to.
4
Because I never verbally express how I feel, even though my actions do it all the time.
5
Because I apparently never pay attention.
6
Because I apparently don't take our relationship seriously.
There's plenty more KiBum wants to add to the list, but writing it all feels too idiotic and pointless. And by the time dinner is served, he begins to realize that this truly is a stupid thing to fight over.
When night falls, DongHae goes to bed without saying a word. And KiBum, declaring that enough was truly enough, decides to crawl into bed with him.
"Mianhae," KiBum whispers into the other's ear. And much to his surprise, DongHae doesn't kick him off the bed.
Minutes pass in their position, KiBum even daring to place an arm around the other man's waist. He doesn't really want the moment to end either, because keeping DongHae near is much more favorable than having to chase him everywhere.
DongHae is the first to break the silence. "Ah, Kibum-ah, you're apologizing yet you're still no different."
"Shut it, Hae. I like you better when you're not talking all the time and ruining the mood. How's that for expressing how I feel?"
"Fine, fine. But what does that have to do with you not talking?"
KiBum sighs, holding DongHae to him tighter. "You know, you could really give SungMin a run for his money...."
The next morning, after KiBum is made to promise a change in his actions and behavior, DongHae poses a more serious question.
"Kibummie, if you really thought all of that, why didn't you just tell me that yourself?"
And even though there are many other responses KiBum could have given the idiot (for example, "How ironic, the entire time I was asking myself that exact question," or "Because it didn't occur to me that I was the one with the problem, really."), he again chooses to quote a rather wise young man instead.
"Because you were mad at me. I thought that was obvious?"
And as he listens to DongHae complain yet again, he makes a mental note to thank HyukJae later.
When night falls, DongHae goes to bed without saying a word. And KiBum, declaring that enough was truly enough, decides to crawl into bed with him.
"Mianhae," KiBum whispers into the other's ear. And much to his surprise, DongHae doesn't kick him off the bed.
Minutes pass in their position, KiBum even daring to place an arm around the other man's waist. He doesn't really want the moment to end either, because keeping DongHae near is much more favorable than having to chase him everywhere.
DongHae is the first to break the silence. "Ah, Kibum-ah, you're apologizing yet you're still no different."
"Shut it, Hae. I like you better when you're not talking all the time and ruining the mood. How's that for expressing how I feel?"
"Fine, fine. But what does that have to do with you not talking?"
KiBum sighs, holding DongHae to him tighter. "You know, you could really give SungMin a run for his money...."
The next morning, after KiBum is made to promise a change in his actions and behavior, DongHae poses a more serious question.
"Kibummie, if you really thought all of that, why didn't you just tell me that yourself?"
And even though there are many other responses KiBum could have given the idiot (for example, "How ironic, the entire time I was asking myself that exact question," or "Because it didn't occur to me that I was the one with the problem, really."), he again chooses to quote a rather wise young man instead.
"Because you were mad at me. I thought that was obvious?"
And as he listens to DongHae complain yet again, he makes a mental note to thank HyukJae later.
(gets bricked for no reason)
My attempt at mentioning more characters. Though I still have yet to use KangIn in a story.... *Adds KangIn to SungMin's list*
In terms of quality of writing, I really like my angsty fics better. But since most of you like happier endings, I think I can bear a few non-angst fics here and there :)
KyuMin: Rumor (#2)
I DON'T REALLY KNOW WHY I WROTE THIS. But because it's out of my brain, I figure I'll let people see it. Sorry if it makes no sense.
Some KyuMin, YeWook, and YeMin (Or is it SungSung? lol), and I suppose mentionings of KiHae because I couldn't help myself.
Unbeta-ed, as always (I never beta, though I should. It's still readable, though). Sowwy in advance~
Title: Rumor (#2)
Word Count: 1759
Rating: PG? G?
Started/Finished: 12.08.09 / 12.08.09
Music Muse: Super Junior T, "Rokkuguh"
Description: Sometimes, things just happen. He learns soon enough.
SungMin knew he should only believe so much. Rumors were rumors, after all, and it wasn't like there was any proof behind them yet. Besides, when said rumors came from fan-run forums and not from legitimate news sources, their validity was likely nonexistent.
But the media would have stopped caring to include that rumor in their broadcasts, anyway. Fan-service was normal to them by now, and it was surely not something worth reporting after every Super Junior concert performance.
And fan-service is just fan-service, SungMin tried reminding himself. None of it means anything in the end.
SungMin convinced himself this was just a result of jealousy. Why should he care what KyuHyun was doing outside of Korea, anyway? Should he care because the two had shared some close moments before leaving? Or because that man was the only person who appeared in his dreams late at night? Maybe even because KyuHyun stopped calling him every other night like he used to?
He stills thinks about me, SungMin told himself, I know it.
But he couldn't help but to listen to those rumors, and it was perhaps that there were so many depicting the same tale that caused SungMin to worry more than he should. Some of them were even ridiculous; one said that, after KiBum's recent break-up with DongHae, KyuHyun had taken the opportunity to steal the heartbroken man for himself. It was lies, SungMin knew, but when everything on the Internet said the exact same thing....
He knew the rumors were only a result of "fan-service." He knew the truth was just that KyuHyun had given DongHae a kiss on the cheek during one of their performances. It wasn't even like KyuHyun to do something like that -- DongHae, really?
And it wasn't even a real kiss.
So why was he bothered?
When the rumors persisted, SungMin did his best to keep his head high. He forced himself to tune out anything regarding Super Junior M and their endeavors. He refused to sit in front of a computer to use the Internet. As cliche as it seemed, SungMin knew ignorance truly was bliss.
He also tried his best to keep his composure around the others. But apparently, he had failed terribly.
"We're Super Junior Happy, remember?" LeeTeuk reminded him. "It's a little obvious that you're anything but happy."
SungMin nodded, but inside he was shaking his head. He didn't want Super Junior Happy right now. He wanted Super Junior, just Super Junior, where he had a reason to be with KyuHyun.
One day, as SungMin was solemnly eating breakfast in front of the television, a sudden weight decided to seat itself next to him. He frowned at first, knowing it wasn't the person he wanted to be there, and for that reason he remained unresponsive.
A few minutes of silence lingered in the air, save the television in the background. And then, just when SungMin felt like he couldn't take the silence with the unnamed person anymore, the unnamed person spoke.
"SungMin, I know how you feel."
YeSung.
They talked a lot that day, as well as the next day. SungMin realized that YeSung really did know how he felt, with RyeoWook overseas as well. And though YeSung never really described his relationship with that man explicitly, SungMin had the strangest feeling it was quite similar to his relationship with KyuHyun.
When he was around YeSung, his worries over rumors were nonexistent. He was able to talk to YeSung normally, and it had felt good having a clear conscience for once. It had made him realize that those hours worrying over rumors had been pointless, and he knew that if he could keep up the same faith and courage as YeSung did then he would be fine.
But despite these achievements, there was one thing that SungMin was beginning to fear. And that fear was confirmed when one night, in the middle of his dream, KyuHyun's face was no longer what he saw.
SungMin decides to ask YeSung: "Hyung, what does RyeoWook mean to you?"
"You don't know?" the other asked in response.
SungMin shook his head. "I just want to know."
YeSung gave his fair share of questioning looks before replying. "Wookie means a lot to me. To be honest, I don't think he knows how much he means to me. But he's also like a brother to me, someone I care about and should look after."
"I see," was all SungMin said in response. Did he see KyuHyun in that same light? SungMin was sure he did, but he couldn't help but to feel slightly uncertain.
No, it's not supposed to be like this! SungMin yelled inside his head. KyuHyun, not YeSung....
He spent an entire night thinking it over, but it gave him no consolation when by the end of the night he was still empty-handed.
In one of the new songs for Super Junior Happy's next album was an entrance that had SungMin and YeSung singing in perfect harmony. Sometimes, when singing the song, SungMin would forget that the song was actually about a guy chasing a girl he'd met in his dreams. And even though he preferred several other songs on their album over this one, he couldn't deny that he felt his happiest during that duet.
He was absolutely sure it was because the duet sounded good and had nothing to do with the fact that it was with YeSung. But his conscience insisted he was in denial.
One night, SungMin received an unexpected phone call from KyuHyun. Apparently KyuHyun had been incredibly busy, though SungMin was hardly surprised.
"I'm exhausted, Sungminnie," he'd said in a slight accent SungMin knew had been picked up from speaking Mandarin for a little too long. "So many shows, so much practicing. And DongHae isn't helping any."
Suddenly the rumors that had been stashed in the back of SungMin's mind began to resurface. "DongHae? What's he doing to you? Don't tell me those rumors are actually true?"
KyuHyun laughed at this. "What rumors, Minnie?"
"That you and him..." began SungMin through pursed lips. He tried to say the rest of it, but nothing came.
"We're not together or anything," said KyuHyun, laughing once more. "I'm not that cruel, you know. What I meant was that DongHae broke up with KiBum -- or KiBum broke up with him, I guess. With KiBum in America and DongHae in China, I guess the distance wasn't working out. But it's really been quite the damper in his mood, as well as all of ours."
"They broke up...?" SungMin wondered aloud. Somehow, he had been hoping the entire rumor was false, but it seemed they still had their truths in them....
Eventually their conversation came to an end, since KyuHyun had to wake up rather early the next day. The last words KyuHyun had said were "I miss you, hyung. Wait for me, okay?" to which SungMin had replied with "I miss you too."
He had wanted to add a "I love you too," afterwards, but he didn't have the courage to do it. Yet even with that desire, he still couldn't figure out why it was now YeSung's face, not KyuHyun's face, that painted the background of his dreams.
Everything KyuHyun had told him that night had been according to the reality SungMin had tried hard to hold onto. In the end, SungMin had to admit, it was all just pointless worrying.
"What would you do if RyeoWook didn't like you back?" SungMin asked YeSung while on one of their breaks.
The latter only shrugged. "Nothing, I guess. I'd feel hurt, maybe, but nothing would change. If I can't care for him as his lover, I'll care for him as his hyung. I don't think the feelings change much, do you? I think the only thing that changes is the intentions behind those feelings."
"I see," was all SungMin said in response.
Did he see KyuHyun in that same light?
SungMin was sure he did.
But he couldn't help but to feel slightly uncertain.
One night it came to him. Realization swept over him and knocked him over. How could he be this much of a hypocrite?
All that time SungMin had spent worrying about what KyuHyun was doing in China, wondering if KyuHyun's interests were invested elsewhere.... What if KyuHyun was thinking the exact same thing? But what was worse was that KyuHyun actually had a reason to question him, because for some reason SungMin could not get YeSung out of his head.
He wanted KyuHyun. He was sure of it. He didn't know what YeSung was. There was no future there, anyway, not with RyeoWook still around.
No. I have to do this. For KyuHyun's sake.
"Ah, SungMin!" YeSung was calling from a distance -- but SungMin did not turn around. "SungMin, why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?"
It was awfully extreme and SungMin knew it. But with YeSung still inexplicably in his head, it was all he could.
"Mianhae, YeSung."
A few weeks later, the members of Super Junior M returned to Korea, though Henry and Zhou Mi had remained in China. The twelve members had celebrated their reunion, though the emotions present were rather mixed in nature. From DongHae, an overwhelming blanket of sadness, which could not even be lifted by HyukJae's attempts at comic relief. From KyuHyun and SungMin, an awkwardness that really couldn't be explained by anyone except themselves. And from HeeChul, a grouchiness that was merely characteristic.
Being in KyuHyun's presence washed away any doubts he'd had, whether in KyuHyun or in himself. And he knew this had nothing to do with the many gifts from China KyuHyun had kindly showered him with. It was what he had always wanted, back in the past, the current time, and for as long as he could hold onto it in the future. Whether KyuHyun felt the same way didn't matter because he didn't need a label in order to care for someone; YeSung had taught him that.
Perhaps once during that party, SungMin snuck a glance over at the man that had begun to invade his dreams only until a week prior. Maybe one day, when SungMin felt safer and more secure, he would allow himself to open up to that friendship once more, because YeSung really was a nice friend, in the end.
But for now, ignoring YeSung's still desperate and confused gazes as well as the man next to him, SungMin heaved a sigh and turned toward KyuHyun.
"KyuHyun," SungMin said quietly, not really caring if the other man could hear him. "Saranghae."
(gets bricked for trying to write outside my OTP)
Slowly I'm trying to write stories involving everyone else. Actually, I'm considering doing the 100 SuJu one-shot challenge thing, but because all the characters are so foreign to me (in terms of portraying them), I've been holding off for now. So I guess all of this is practice :)
Thanks to everyone commenting on my stories! I really appreciate the feedback! And thanks to everyone pressing the like and dislike buttons too, haha. You all have my love.
Some KyuMin, YeWook, and YeMin (Or is it SungSung? lol), and I suppose mentionings of KiHae because I couldn't help myself.
Unbeta-ed, as always (I never beta, though I should. It's still readable, though). Sowwy in advance~
Title: Rumor (#2)
Word Count: 1759
Rating: PG? G?
Started/Finished: 12.08.09 / 12.08.09
Music Muse: Super Junior T, "Rokkuguh"
Description: Sometimes, things just happen. He learns soon enough.
Rumor
SungMin knew he should only believe so much. Rumors were rumors, after all, and it wasn't like there was any proof behind them yet. Besides, when said rumors came from fan-run forums and not from legitimate news sources, their validity was likely nonexistent.
But the media would have stopped caring to include that rumor in their broadcasts, anyway. Fan-service was normal to them by now, and it was surely not something worth reporting after every Super Junior concert performance.
And fan-service is just fan-service, SungMin tried reminding himself. None of it means anything in the end.
SungMin convinced himself this was just a result of jealousy. Why should he care what KyuHyun was doing outside of Korea, anyway? Should he care because the two had shared some close moments before leaving? Or because that man was the only person who appeared in his dreams late at night? Maybe even because KyuHyun stopped calling him every other night like he used to?
He stills thinks about me, SungMin told himself, I know it.
But he couldn't help but to listen to those rumors, and it was perhaps that there were so many depicting the same tale that caused SungMin to worry more than he should. Some of them were even ridiculous; one said that, after KiBum's recent break-up with DongHae, KyuHyun had taken the opportunity to steal the heartbroken man for himself. It was lies, SungMin knew, but when everything on the Internet said the exact same thing....
He knew the rumors were only a result of "fan-service." He knew the truth was just that KyuHyun had given DongHae a kiss on the cheek during one of their performances. It wasn't even like KyuHyun to do something like that -- DongHae, really?
And it wasn't even a real kiss.
So why was he bothered?
When the rumors persisted, SungMin did his best to keep his head high. He forced himself to tune out anything regarding Super Junior M and their endeavors. He refused to sit in front of a computer to use the Internet. As cliche as it seemed, SungMin knew ignorance truly was bliss.
He also tried his best to keep his composure around the others. But apparently, he had failed terribly.
"We're Super Junior Happy, remember?" LeeTeuk reminded him. "It's a little obvious that you're anything but happy."
SungMin nodded, but inside he was shaking his head. He didn't want Super Junior Happy right now. He wanted Super Junior, just Super Junior, where he had a reason to be with KyuHyun.
One day, as SungMin was solemnly eating breakfast in front of the television, a sudden weight decided to seat itself next to him. He frowned at first, knowing it wasn't the person he wanted to be there, and for that reason he remained unresponsive.
A few minutes of silence lingered in the air, save the television in the background. And then, just when SungMin felt like he couldn't take the silence with the unnamed person anymore, the unnamed person spoke.
"SungMin, I know how you feel."
YeSung.
They talked a lot that day, as well as the next day. SungMin realized that YeSung really did know how he felt, with RyeoWook overseas as well. And though YeSung never really described his relationship with that man explicitly, SungMin had the strangest feeling it was quite similar to his relationship with KyuHyun.
When he was around YeSung, his worries over rumors were nonexistent. He was able to talk to YeSung normally, and it had felt good having a clear conscience for once. It had made him realize that those hours worrying over rumors had been pointless, and he knew that if he could keep up the same faith and courage as YeSung did then he would be fine.
But despite these achievements, there was one thing that SungMin was beginning to fear. And that fear was confirmed when one night, in the middle of his dream, KyuHyun's face was no longer what he saw.
SungMin decides to ask YeSung: "Hyung, what does RyeoWook mean to you?"
"You don't know?" the other asked in response.
SungMin shook his head. "I just want to know."
YeSung gave his fair share of questioning looks before replying. "Wookie means a lot to me. To be honest, I don't think he knows how much he means to me. But he's also like a brother to me, someone I care about and should look after."
"I see," was all SungMin said in response. Did he see KyuHyun in that same light? SungMin was sure he did, but he couldn't help but to feel slightly uncertain.
No, it's not supposed to be like this! SungMin yelled inside his head. KyuHyun, not YeSung....
He spent an entire night thinking it over, but it gave him no consolation when by the end of the night he was still empty-handed.
In one of the new songs for Super Junior Happy's next album was an entrance that had SungMin and YeSung singing in perfect harmony. Sometimes, when singing the song, SungMin would forget that the song was actually about a guy chasing a girl he'd met in his dreams. And even though he preferred several other songs on their album over this one, he couldn't deny that he felt his happiest during that duet.
He was absolutely sure it was because the duet sounded good and had nothing to do with the fact that it was with YeSung. But his conscience insisted he was in denial.
One night, SungMin received an unexpected phone call from KyuHyun. Apparently KyuHyun had been incredibly busy, though SungMin was hardly surprised.
"I'm exhausted, Sungminnie," he'd said in a slight accent SungMin knew had been picked up from speaking Mandarin for a little too long. "So many shows, so much practicing. And DongHae isn't helping any."
Suddenly the rumors that had been stashed in the back of SungMin's mind began to resurface. "DongHae? What's he doing to you? Don't tell me those rumors are actually true?"
KyuHyun laughed at this. "What rumors, Minnie?"
"That you and him..." began SungMin through pursed lips. He tried to say the rest of it, but nothing came.
"We're not together or anything," said KyuHyun, laughing once more. "I'm not that cruel, you know. What I meant was that DongHae broke up with KiBum -- or KiBum broke up with him, I guess. With KiBum in America and DongHae in China, I guess the distance wasn't working out. But it's really been quite the damper in his mood, as well as all of ours."
"They broke up...?" SungMin wondered aloud. Somehow, he had been hoping the entire rumor was false, but it seemed they still had their truths in them....
Eventually their conversation came to an end, since KyuHyun had to wake up rather early the next day. The last words KyuHyun had said were "I miss you, hyung. Wait for me, okay?" to which SungMin had replied with "I miss you too."
He had wanted to add a "I love you too," afterwards, but he didn't have the courage to do it. Yet even with that desire, he still couldn't figure out why it was now YeSung's face, not KyuHyun's face, that painted the background of his dreams.
Everything KyuHyun had told him that night had been according to the reality SungMin had tried hard to hold onto. In the end, SungMin had to admit, it was all just pointless worrying.
"What would you do if RyeoWook didn't like you back?" SungMin asked YeSung while on one of their breaks.
The latter only shrugged. "Nothing, I guess. I'd feel hurt, maybe, but nothing would change. If I can't care for him as his lover, I'll care for him as his hyung. I don't think the feelings change much, do you? I think the only thing that changes is the intentions behind those feelings."
"I see," was all SungMin said in response.
Did he see KyuHyun in that same light?
SungMin was sure he did.
But he couldn't help but to feel slightly uncertain.
One night it came to him. Realization swept over him and knocked him over. How could he be this much of a hypocrite?
All that time SungMin had spent worrying about what KyuHyun was doing in China, wondering if KyuHyun's interests were invested elsewhere.... What if KyuHyun was thinking the exact same thing? But what was worse was that KyuHyun actually had a reason to question him, because for some reason SungMin could not get YeSung out of his head.
He wanted KyuHyun. He was sure of it. He didn't know what YeSung was. There was no future there, anyway, not with RyeoWook still around.
No. I have to do this. For KyuHyun's sake.
"Ah, SungMin!" YeSung was calling from a distance -- but SungMin did not turn around. "SungMin, why are you ignoring me? Did I do something wrong?"
It was awfully extreme and SungMin knew it. But with YeSung still inexplicably in his head, it was all he could.
"Mianhae, YeSung."
A few weeks later, the members of Super Junior M returned to Korea, though Henry and Zhou Mi had remained in China. The twelve members had celebrated their reunion, though the emotions present were rather mixed in nature. From DongHae, an overwhelming blanket of sadness, which could not even be lifted by HyukJae's attempts at comic relief. From KyuHyun and SungMin, an awkwardness that really couldn't be explained by anyone except themselves. And from HeeChul, a grouchiness that was merely characteristic.
Being in KyuHyun's presence washed away any doubts he'd had, whether in KyuHyun or in himself. And he knew this had nothing to do with the many gifts from China KyuHyun had kindly showered him with. It was what he had always wanted, back in the past, the current time, and for as long as he could hold onto it in the future. Whether KyuHyun felt the same way didn't matter because he didn't need a label in order to care for someone; YeSung had taught him that.
Perhaps once during that party, SungMin snuck a glance over at the man that had begun to invade his dreams only until a week prior. Maybe one day, when SungMin felt safer and more secure, he would allow himself to open up to that friendship once more, because YeSung really was a nice friend, in the end.
But for now, ignoring YeSung's still desperate and confused gazes as well as the man next to him, SungMin heaved a sigh and turned toward KyuHyun.
"KyuHyun," SungMin said quietly, not really caring if the other man could hear him. "Saranghae."
(gets bricked for trying to write outside my OTP)
Slowly I'm trying to write stories involving everyone else. Actually, I'm considering doing the 100 SuJu one-shot challenge thing, but because all the characters are so foreign to me (in terms of portraying them), I've been holding off for now. So I guess all of this is practice :)
Thanks to everyone commenting on my stories! I really appreciate the feedback! And thanks to everyone pressing the like and dislike buttons too, haha. You all have my love.
Monday, December 7, 2009
KiHae: Optimal (#6)
I come bearing another one-shot without angst! See, I promise, and I deliver!
Title: Optimal (#6)
Word Count: 978
Rating: PG-13? I guess? There's nothing explicit, really.
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Relient K, "Curl Up and Die"
Description: KiBum doesn't really know when he likes their relationship best. DongHae finds this problematic.
One day, while sitting idly in front of a TV, DongHae asks KiBum what he likes most about their relationship.
"Hyung, don't ask strenuous questions," KiBum scolds, and while it's true that they're to be using the free time in their schedules to relax, KiBum knows he'd only said it to avert having to answer the question. But DongHae, being both resilient and bored, persists with his question.
"Ah Kibummie, there's gotta be something you like!"
KiBum shrugs. "I like it all. Everything"
"Bad answer!" DongHae yells with a laugh, throwing a pillow at his face. "Kibum-ah, pick one!"
"Hae..." but just as KiBum finds himself against a corner he does not like, the television decides to come to the rescue with a lovely ad about feeding pet fish with new, formulated fish food. And though KiBum comes out of the predicament with a little less won in his pocket, he knows this had probably the best outcome.
KiBum should've known that wouldn't be the end of it, though, for later that evening as he washing the dishes from dinner DongHae suddenly hugs him from behind.
"Kibummie," says DongHae, whispering into KiBum's ear. "Do you like it better when I hug you normally or from behind?"
"Both," is KiBum's short but cheeky response.
DongHae pulls away, pouting. "Bad answer! But ah, Kibummie, why can't you pick one?"
"That has nothing to do with what I like best about our relationship," KiBum replies, returning to the dishes. "But off the record, from behind, hyung. I like those better."
KiBum is not surprised when DongHae does exactly that.
A few days later, or when KiBum's and DongHae's schedules are next free simultaneously, KiBum finds himself being dragged outside.
"It's snowing!" DongHae says when KiBum asks for the reason of their outdoor excursion.
"And I need a jacket."
"Have mine." KiBum tries to reject DongHae's offer, but because DongHae is resilient to KiBum's protests he takes off the jacket and places it over KiBum's shoulders.
The two spend the day doing what most any child would. They roll in the snow, throw snowballs at each other, and attempt (and fail) to make snowmen. And though DongHae is clearly cold he still wears the warmest and brightest smile.
At the end of it all, as they sit upon a park bench (more accurately, KiBum is sitting, while DonHae is lying down with his head in KiBum's lap), DongHae decides to posit the question once more.
"Shut up and quit ruining the moment."
"Bad answer! -- and that's no way to talk to your hyung, Kibummie!" -- but DongHae, not really wanting to ruin the moment himself, doesn't really say much else.
KiBum is not surprised when DongHae wakes up with a cold the next morning.
"It's just a cold!" whines DongHae, refusing to acknowledge KiBum's stern gazes from across the room. "Kibummie, can I please have my morning kiss?"
"You're sick."
"How about morning hug?"
KiBum feigns giving it thought. "You're sick."
DongHae is not happy, especially when KiBum only smiles at DongHae's infantile frustration. "Kibummie, this is your favorite part of our relationship, isn't it? When you get to pull the strings?"
"Not at all," KiBum says with a laugh. "Why would I like a sick Hae?"
"I don't know, because you're sadistic. So then can I please get a hug before you go?"
"You're sick."
DongHae is furious when KiBum finally leaves, but his cold forces him to sleep before he can dwell on it much.
Admittedly, KiBum does like having the strings in his hands. But KiBum would never mention that to DongHae, especially when his current (and only) goal in life seems to be finding out what KiBum likes.
KiBum is not surprised when DongHae tackles him upon entering the house.
"I'm better!" DongHae yells, shoving his mouth against KiBum's. And then, when they break apart, "And you're dead, Kibummie!"
KiBum lets DongHae vent his sexual frustration on him, though it's not like he minds or anything. He knows he deserves it, anyway.
In the middle of the night, KiBum is awakened with a slight tap upon his shoulders. Having never been a heavy sleeper, he immediately turns to DongHae and prepares to scold him.
"Nightmare," DongHae whispers lowly.
KiBum drops his anger immediately.
"What are you, seven?" he says with a laugh. But they do this every time DongHae has nightmares, and so the other man takes no offense and slips into KiBum's embrace. He feels warm and safe, and returns to sleep knowing no nightmare will dare plague him once more -- not while KiBum's there to be his bodyguard.
Admittedly, KiBum does like the moments in which DongHae runs to him and him only for help and condolence. But KiBum would never mention that to DongHae, especially when his current (and only) goal in life is to find out what KiBum likes.
And so one day, while sitting idly in front of a TV, DongHae asks KiBum what he likes most about their relationship.
"Hyung, don't ask strenuous questions," KiBum scolds. But DongHae, being both resilient and bored, persists with his question.
"Ah Kibummie, there's gotta be something you like!"
KiBum shrugs. He does give it some thought, though. He thinks about the times where they act as children, playing together without any cares in the world. He thinks about how DongHae always puts him before himself, even if it means sacrificing something or getting sick the next day. He thinks about how DongHae always wants to make him happy, always doing the things KiBum wants done. He thinks about the times in which the silence between them more strongly illustrates their love than any words could ever hope to do so. And then he thinks about the things in their relationship that are meant to be felt and not said.
And it's only then that KiBum knows his answer.
"I like it all," he says. "Everything."
And even though DongHae yells "Bad answer!" and throws a pillow at his face, KiBum knows that it is, in fact, the right answer.
(gets bricked for all teh sap)
I noticed how people keep spotting my stuff, lol. While I'm very touched and amused, blogspot kinda fails... so though you spot the very first comment, you won't get to post your actual comment where you saved your spot -- but at least everyone knows who commented first! But this really isn't a big deal, since not many people comment at the moment anyway =P
Title: Optimal (#6)
Word Count: 978
Rating: PG-13? I guess? There's nothing explicit, really.
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Relient K, "Curl Up and Die"
Description: KiBum doesn't really know when he likes their relationship best. DongHae finds this problematic.
Optimal
One day, while sitting idly in front of a TV, DongHae asks KiBum what he likes most about their relationship.
"Hyung, don't ask strenuous questions," KiBum scolds, and while it's true that they're to be using the free time in their schedules to relax, KiBum knows he'd only said it to avert having to answer the question. But DongHae, being both resilient and bored, persists with his question.
"Ah Kibummie, there's gotta be something you like!"
KiBum shrugs. "I like it all. Everything"
"Bad answer!" DongHae yells with a laugh, throwing a pillow at his face. "Kibum-ah, pick one!"
"Hae..." but just as KiBum finds himself against a corner he does not like, the television decides to come to the rescue with a lovely ad about feeding pet fish with new, formulated fish food. And though KiBum comes out of the predicament with a little less won in his pocket, he knows this had probably the best outcome.
KiBum should've known that wouldn't be the end of it, though, for later that evening as he washing the dishes from dinner DongHae suddenly hugs him from behind.
"Kibummie," says DongHae, whispering into KiBum's ear. "Do you like it better when I hug you normally or from behind?"
"Both," is KiBum's short but cheeky response.
DongHae pulls away, pouting. "Bad answer! But ah, Kibummie, why can't you pick one?"
"That has nothing to do with what I like best about our relationship," KiBum replies, returning to the dishes. "But off the record, from behind, hyung. I like those better."
KiBum is not surprised when DongHae does exactly that.
A few days later, or when KiBum's and DongHae's schedules are next free simultaneously, KiBum finds himself being dragged outside.
"It's snowing!" DongHae says when KiBum asks for the reason of their outdoor excursion.
"And I need a jacket."
"Have mine." KiBum tries to reject DongHae's offer, but because DongHae is resilient to KiBum's protests he takes off the jacket and places it over KiBum's shoulders.
The two spend the day doing what most any child would. They roll in the snow, throw snowballs at each other, and attempt (and fail) to make snowmen. And though DongHae is clearly cold he still wears the warmest and brightest smile.
At the end of it all, as they sit upon a park bench (more accurately, KiBum is sitting, while DonHae is lying down with his head in KiBum's lap), DongHae decides to posit the question once more.
"Shut up and quit ruining the moment."
"Bad answer! -- and that's no way to talk to your hyung, Kibummie!" -- but DongHae, not really wanting to ruin the moment himself, doesn't really say much else.
KiBum is not surprised when DongHae wakes up with a cold the next morning.
"It's just a cold!" whines DongHae, refusing to acknowledge KiBum's stern gazes from across the room. "Kibummie, can I please have my morning kiss?"
"You're sick."
"How about morning hug?"
KiBum feigns giving it thought. "You're sick."
DongHae is not happy, especially when KiBum only smiles at DongHae's infantile frustration. "Kibummie, this is your favorite part of our relationship, isn't it? When you get to pull the strings?"
"Not at all," KiBum says with a laugh. "Why would I like a sick Hae?"
"I don't know, because you're sadistic. So then can I please get a hug before you go?"
"You're sick."
DongHae is furious when KiBum finally leaves, but his cold forces him to sleep before he can dwell on it much.
Admittedly, KiBum does like having the strings in his hands. But KiBum would never mention that to DongHae, especially when his current (and only) goal in life seems to be finding out what KiBum likes.
KiBum is not surprised when DongHae tackles him upon entering the house.
"I'm better!" DongHae yells, shoving his mouth against KiBum's. And then, when they break apart, "And you're dead, Kibummie!"
KiBum lets DongHae vent his sexual frustration on him, though it's not like he minds or anything. He knows he deserves it, anyway.
In the middle of the night, KiBum is awakened with a slight tap upon his shoulders. Having never been a heavy sleeper, he immediately turns to DongHae and prepares to scold him.
"Nightmare," DongHae whispers lowly.
KiBum drops his anger immediately.
"What are you, seven?" he says with a laugh. But they do this every time DongHae has nightmares, and so the other man takes no offense and slips into KiBum's embrace. He feels warm and safe, and returns to sleep knowing no nightmare will dare plague him once more -- not while KiBum's there to be his bodyguard.
Admittedly, KiBum does like the moments in which DongHae runs to him and him only for help and condolence. But KiBum would never mention that to DongHae, especially when his current (and only) goal in life is to find out what KiBum likes.
And so one day, while sitting idly in front of a TV, DongHae asks KiBum what he likes most about their relationship.
"Hyung, don't ask strenuous questions," KiBum scolds. But DongHae, being both resilient and bored, persists with his question.
"Ah Kibummie, there's gotta be something you like!"
KiBum shrugs. He does give it some thought, though. He thinks about the times where they act as children, playing together without any cares in the world. He thinks about how DongHae always puts him before himself, even if it means sacrificing something or getting sick the next day. He thinks about how DongHae always wants to make him happy, always doing the things KiBum wants done. He thinks about the times in which the silence between them more strongly illustrates their love than any words could ever hope to do so. And then he thinks about the things in their relationship that are meant to be felt and not said.
And it's only then that KiBum knows his answer.
"I like it all," he says. "Everything."
And even though DongHae yells "Bad answer!" and throws a pillow at his face, KiBum knows that it is, in fact, the right answer.
(gets bricked for all teh sap)
I noticed how people keep spotting my stuff, lol. While I'm very touched and amused, blogspot kinda fails... so though you spot the very first comment, you won't get to post your actual comment where you saved your spot -- but at least everyone knows who commented first! But this really isn't a big deal, since not many people comment at the moment anyway =P
KyuMin: Reflection (#1)
To counter the sap I just wrote, here's something on the less sappy side. First KyuMin drabble, and of course I would make it slightly saddening (only slightly!). What's wrong with me? (PS: Let me know how much this fails, kay?)
Title: Reflection (#1)
Word Count: 404
Rating: PG (it might be G, but I have honestly never distinguished that difference and still can't.)
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Yesung & Sungmin, "Now We Go to Meet"
Description: SungMin wonders what it all means to him. If it means anything at all.
KyuHyun was a mystery, perhaps without meaning to.
He wasn't necessarily reserved. Sure, at times the magnae would appear to be deep in thought, and it was during these times that SungMin least wanted to bother him. But more times than not, KyuHyun was dorky and outgoing -- though that award still went to DongHae.
Yet he was still mysterious, and no matter how hard he tried SungMin could never figure him out. It always felt like KyuHyun held in more than what he let on, and that bothered SungMin somewhat -- though maybe it was just our differing personalities, SungMin would always try convincing himself.
SungMin respected KyuHyun's privacy, of course, and he knew that the man was more than welcome to have his own secrets. But sometimes SungMin grew curious, though his curiosity never usually got the best of him. And when it did, it was easy for SungMin to recoil and apologize for his instrusion.
There were some things about KyuHyun that SungMin did want clarified, though. For instance, whenever SungMin asked "What am I to you, KyuHyun-ah?" in his most curious yet serious tone, the other would only say, "You're a good hyung." And as KyuHyun returned to playing StarCraft, SungMin would always wonder if that was really it, if he really meant anything more to him that simply his hyung.
When KyuHyun's mysteries involved him, SungMin was at his worst. When the other man went to bed, SungMin would always remain awake, wondering if KyuHyun's 'Sweet Dreams' meant anything more to him than a simple well-wishing before sleep. He would ponder over the casual arms KyuHyun slung over his shoulder, the occasional gazes SungMin could never understand, and the occasional possessive remarks KyuHyun made around him.
Not knowing was something that did not settle well with SungMin. He wanted to know what he was to that man. And more than anything, he wanted his response to be something more than "You're a good hyung."
But by not telling KyuHyun this, SungMin knew that he in turn was being a hypocrite. He couldn't scold KyuHyun for not letting on something when he himself was keeping things from his friend. No matter how badly SungMin wanted to know, it was only fair.
That was why, when KyuHyun had asked "Hyung, what's the matter?" in the most curious yet serious tone, SungMin forced himself to respond with,
"Ah, KyuHyun-ah, it's nothing."
(gets bricked for bad drabble)
My first KyuMin story, so please tell me how I did!
Title: Reflection (#1)
Word Count: 404
Rating: PG (it might be G, but I have honestly never distinguished that difference and still can't.)
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Yesung & Sungmin, "Now We Go to Meet"
Description: SungMin wonders what it all means to him. If it means anything at all.
Reflection
KyuHyun was a mystery, perhaps without meaning to.
He wasn't necessarily reserved. Sure, at times the magnae would appear to be deep in thought, and it was during these times that SungMin least wanted to bother him. But more times than not, KyuHyun was dorky and outgoing -- though that award still went to DongHae.
Yet he was still mysterious, and no matter how hard he tried SungMin could never figure him out. It always felt like KyuHyun held in more than what he let on, and that bothered SungMin somewhat -- though maybe it was just our differing personalities, SungMin would always try convincing himself.
SungMin respected KyuHyun's privacy, of course, and he knew that the man was more than welcome to have his own secrets. But sometimes SungMin grew curious, though his curiosity never usually got the best of him. And when it did, it was easy for SungMin to recoil and apologize for his instrusion.
There were some things about KyuHyun that SungMin did want clarified, though. For instance, whenever SungMin asked "What am I to you, KyuHyun-ah?" in his most curious yet serious tone, the other would only say, "You're a good hyung." And as KyuHyun returned to playing StarCraft, SungMin would always wonder if that was really it, if he really meant anything more to him that simply his hyung.
When KyuHyun's mysteries involved him, SungMin was at his worst. When the other man went to bed, SungMin would always remain awake, wondering if KyuHyun's 'Sweet Dreams' meant anything more to him than a simple well-wishing before sleep. He would ponder over the casual arms KyuHyun slung over his shoulder, the occasional gazes SungMin could never understand, and the occasional possessive remarks KyuHyun made around him.
Not knowing was something that did not settle well with SungMin. He wanted to know what he was to that man. And more than anything, he wanted his response to be something more than "You're a good hyung."
But by not telling KyuHyun this, SungMin knew that he in turn was being a hypocrite. He couldn't scold KyuHyun for not letting on something when he himself was keeping things from his friend. No matter how badly SungMin wanted to know, it was only fair.
That was why, when KyuHyun had asked "Hyung, what's the matter?" in the most curious yet serious tone, SungMin forced himself to respond with,
"Ah, KyuHyun-ah, it's nothing."
(gets bricked for bad drabble)
My first KyuMin story, so please tell me how I did!
KiHae: Sweat (#5)
Uhm how about I fail at romantic pieces? Feel free to let me know how much I failed.
Title: Sweat (#5)
Word Count: 1036
Rating: T/PG-13 (in American standards, meaning rough kissing at worst.)
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Super Junior, "Monster"
Description: Sweaty and clueless is usually how DongHae likes it.
(Pheromone: A chemical substance secreted by an animal (...) which when released externally in small amounts causes a specific reaction, such as stimulation to mate with (...) a receiving individual of the same species.)
He's late again, DongHae duly thinks to himself.
It was such a bad idea, even from the start. KiBum had come home that afternoon declaring that he needed to train at the gym for a bit, having only swung by to drop off his things. DongHae reminded him about the dinner they were supposed to have later that day, and KiBum assured DongHae he would return before then.
I shouldn't have let him go, DongHae tells himself again, looking at the clock. They were supposed to leave ten minutes ago. Granted, they aren't incredibly late, but KiBum still needs to shower and get dressed. And granted, KiBum doesn't usually take a long time to dress, but... still, they were late!
DongHae sighs, sinking into the chair. He doesn't blame KiBum; sometimes, that man gets lost in his own little world while sparring. DongHae's always the same way with his video games; calling KiBum out on his absentmindedness would only make him a hypocrite.
Minutes pass, and DongHae's patience begins to wane. This had been the one night both of their schedules were free. They had both mutually agreed to go out for dinner, since they never really saw each other as much as DongHae wanted to. KiBum seemed supportive of the idea at the time, yet... where was he?
Eventually, after maybe another five minutes, DongHae decides to go to the gym to collect KiBum. People give him odd glances as he walks hurriedly; some point and shriek at him (being physically near a Super Junior member is enough reason for anyone to lose their sanity), while others silently acknowledge his presence but question his formal attire. The latter especially holds true in the gym, where the accepted attire is anything but what DongHae is wearing.
It doesn't take long to find KiBum. True to DongHae's predictions, the man is still sparring away, completely unaware of his surroundings. At first DongHae just stares -- KiBum's arms make it quite hard to not stare, frankly -- but after a bit he remembers why he's come.
"Kibum-ah," he says, trying to keep his tone as level as possible. However, it takes a second calling before KiBum hears anything.
"Ah, Hae!" KiBum calls out, steadying the punching bag before him. "Is it time to go?"
DongHae gives him an annoyed glare. "KiBum-ah, it's twenty minutes passed the time we agreed to leave. Don't you ever look at the time?"
KiBum's eyes widen in realization, turning to his cell phone on the far side of the room. "Ah, no, I don't really check my phone. And the clock in the room's broken."
"You promised!" DongHae whines. "And I was waiting for you and everything! Kibummie, you're so... I don't even know...."
"Babo?"
"No, just..." but DongHae trails off. Sure, babo had been a decent word to use, but in his current defiance DongHae wants to use a different word. Yet in his search for another word he absentmindedly allows himself to stare at KiBum, and it's only then he realizes how gone he really is.
The man suddenly finds himself more turned on than he's ever been in his life. The arms had been bad enough, and it was always a pain that KiBum always let them show because he knew what they did to DongHae. But now is even worse; KiBum is drenched in sweat, his skin covered with beads of it -- and even though DongHae knows the taste of sweat is not quite the tastiest of tastes, he suddenly finds himself wanting to lick it all off.
...and the black wifebeater and his drenched, messy hair don't help him at all. And since when did sweat smell so good...?
"Hae, I'm sorry," KiBum says apologetically, even tipping his head in a bow for added effect. "It's not too late, right? We'll go home, I'll get changed, and we can still--"
KiBum never finishes his sentence, for at that very moment DongHae launches himself at the man. KiBum is clueless for DongHae's sudden actions, but he doesn't question his advancements; on the contrary he takes advantage of the situation, allowing himself to completely melt in DongHae's kiss.
They pull away moments later, but not after having clashed teeth and battled with their tongues. KiBum is almost amused by the look of hunger on DongHae's face, and though he wonders where DongHae's previous frustrations of them being late had gone, he doesn't mind.
So instead of rushing home to their dinner, he takes DongHae into the arms the man loves so much and kisses him until there's nothing left of them.
It's a nicer alternative to having dinner, anyway.
They still go to dinner, though. Even though it's two hours later than the original time for their date.
"My body's going to kill me in the morning for this," KiBum says weakly. "Exercising, eating it all back, going to bed late.... I'm going to be done by tomorrow."
"Sorry, Kibummie," DongHae replies with feigned apology, though it's quite clear that DongHae clearly is not sorry for the time spent with KiBum. But KiBum isn't really complaining, either. The dinner had been nice, though it was everything before the dinner that had been best. And despite how much he worries he might be overworking himself, he knows in the end it'd have been worth it.
"Sacrifices I make," the younger man says with a shrug. "But, there is one thing I want t ask."
"Yeah?"
KiBum struggles to ask his question with a straight face. "Where the hell did all that sexual frustration come from? It's not like you don't get any, Hae. At the gym you just attacked me...."
DongHae flushes deeply; he doesn't really know the answer himself. All he knows is that a sweaty KiBum is a sexy KiBum, and with this he begins to grin deviously at the plans that begin to formulate in his mind.
KiBum doesn't notice DongHae's mischief, but DongHae doesn't mind. He likes KiBum like this best.
(gets bricked for always having KiBum sparring)
I backed out on the sex I was planning, because I fail at writing it. Sowwy~ Maybe I'll revisit this again later. Hope you liked the lack of angst!
Also, I am responding to all comments everyone leaves me! But because blogspot fails I can't directly reply to people (use of @ symbol being abused... reminds me of twitter). So if you're ever curious to what I said about your lovely replies, go back and check! =)
Title: Sweat (#5)
Word Count: 1036
Rating: T/PG-13 (in American standards, meaning rough kissing at worst.)
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Super Junior, "Monster"
Description: Sweaty and clueless is usually how DongHae likes it.
Sweat
(Pheromone: A chemical substance secreted by an animal (...) which when released externally in small amounts causes a specific reaction, such as stimulation to mate with (...) a receiving individual of the same species.)
He's late again, DongHae duly thinks to himself.
It was such a bad idea, even from the start. KiBum had come home that afternoon declaring that he needed to train at the gym for a bit, having only swung by to drop off his things. DongHae reminded him about the dinner they were supposed to have later that day, and KiBum assured DongHae he would return before then.
I shouldn't have let him go, DongHae tells himself again, looking at the clock. They were supposed to leave ten minutes ago. Granted, they aren't incredibly late, but KiBum still needs to shower and get dressed. And granted, KiBum doesn't usually take a long time to dress, but... still, they were late!
DongHae sighs, sinking into the chair. He doesn't blame KiBum; sometimes, that man gets lost in his own little world while sparring. DongHae's always the same way with his video games; calling KiBum out on his absentmindedness would only make him a hypocrite.
Minutes pass, and DongHae's patience begins to wane. This had been the one night both of their schedules were free. They had both mutually agreed to go out for dinner, since they never really saw each other as much as DongHae wanted to. KiBum seemed supportive of the idea at the time, yet... where was he?
Eventually, after maybe another five minutes, DongHae decides to go to the gym to collect KiBum. People give him odd glances as he walks hurriedly; some point and shriek at him (being physically near a Super Junior member is enough reason for anyone to lose their sanity), while others silently acknowledge his presence but question his formal attire. The latter especially holds true in the gym, where the accepted attire is anything but what DongHae is wearing.
It doesn't take long to find KiBum. True to DongHae's predictions, the man is still sparring away, completely unaware of his surroundings. At first DongHae just stares -- KiBum's arms make it quite hard to not stare, frankly -- but after a bit he remembers why he's come.
"Kibum-ah," he says, trying to keep his tone as level as possible. However, it takes a second calling before KiBum hears anything.
"Ah, Hae!" KiBum calls out, steadying the punching bag before him. "Is it time to go?"
DongHae gives him an annoyed glare. "KiBum-ah, it's twenty minutes passed the time we agreed to leave. Don't you ever look at the time?"
KiBum's eyes widen in realization, turning to his cell phone on the far side of the room. "Ah, no, I don't really check my phone. And the clock in the room's broken."
"You promised!" DongHae whines. "And I was waiting for you and everything! Kibummie, you're so... I don't even know...."
"Babo?"
"No, just..." but DongHae trails off. Sure, babo had been a decent word to use, but in his current defiance DongHae wants to use a different word. Yet in his search for another word he absentmindedly allows himself to stare at KiBum, and it's only then he realizes how gone he really is.
The man suddenly finds himself more turned on than he's ever been in his life. The arms had been bad enough, and it was always a pain that KiBum always let them show because he knew what they did to DongHae. But now is even worse; KiBum is drenched in sweat, his skin covered with beads of it -- and even though DongHae knows the taste of sweat is not quite the tastiest of tastes, he suddenly finds himself wanting to lick it all off.
...and the black wifebeater and his drenched, messy hair don't help him at all. And since when did sweat smell so good...?
"Hae, I'm sorry," KiBum says apologetically, even tipping his head in a bow for added effect. "It's not too late, right? We'll go home, I'll get changed, and we can still--"
KiBum never finishes his sentence, for at that very moment DongHae launches himself at the man. KiBum is clueless for DongHae's sudden actions, but he doesn't question his advancements; on the contrary he takes advantage of the situation, allowing himself to completely melt in DongHae's kiss.
They pull away moments later, but not after having clashed teeth and battled with their tongues. KiBum is almost amused by the look of hunger on DongHae's face, and though he wonders where DongHae's previous frustrations of them being late had gone, he doesn't mind.
So instead of rushing home to their dinner, he takes DongHae into the arms the man loves so much and kisses him until there's nothing left of them.
It's a nicer alternative to having dinner, anyway.
They still go to dinner, though. Even though it's two hours later than the original time for their date.
"My body's going to kill me in the morning for this," KiBum says weakly. "Exercising, eating it all back, going to bed late.... I'm going to be done by tomorrow."
"Sorry, Kibummie," DongHae replies with feigned apology, though it's quite clear that DongHae clearly is not sorry for the time spent with KiBum. But KiBum isn't really complaining, either. The dinner had been nice, though it was everything before the dinner that had been best. And despite how much he worries he might be overworking himself, he knows in the end it'd have been worth it.
"Sacrifices I make," the younger man says with a shrug. "But, there is one thing I want t ask."
"Yeah?"
KiBum struggles to ask his question with a straight face. "Where the hell did all that sexual frustration come from? It's not like you don't get any, Hae. At the gym you just attacked me...."
DongHae flushes deeply; he doesn't really know the answer himself. All he knows is that a sweaty KiBum is a sexy KiBum, and with this he begins to grin deviously at the plans that begin to formulate in his mind.
KiBum doesn't notice DongHae's mischief, but DongHae doesn't mind. He likes KiBum like this best.
(gets bricked for always having KiBum sparring)
I backed out on the sex I was planning, because I fail at writing it. Sowwy~ Maybe I'll revisit this again later. Hope you liked the lack of angst!
Also, I am responding to all comments everyone leaves me! But because blogspot fails I can't directly reply to people (use of @ symbol being abused... reminds me of twitter). So if you're ever curious to what I said about your lovely replies, go back and check! =)
Sunday, December 6, 2009
KiHae: Conflict (#4)
My inspiration is waning slightly, sadly. But I've come up with the perfect romance/smut idea, so I suppose I'll get to that one soon. I also would like to start a chaptered fic soon. But right now I'm really in the mood for something angsty, so... yeah, again.
Title: Conflict (#4)
Word Count: 1246
Rating: PG(-13, to be safe)
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Yesung, "Love Really Hurts"
Description: He only notices when he's gone.
0
DongHae only notices it when he's gone.
Initially, there had been no realization. The slamming of a door, the downpour of tears, the sobbing into HyukJae's shoulders -- those had all been natural, immediate reactions. Self-loathing, confusion, and sorrow -- those had all been natural, immediate emotions. But the consequences -- no. DongHae had not realized them initially.
1
He first notices the morning after, when the sun's rays pierces through his closed eyelids and forces him awake. He doesn't see anything wrong with this initially, not while his mind's gears were still beginning to turn. He hadn't gotten any sleep the previous night, so naturally he'd woken up late.
But then his brain finally overcomes morning amnesia and begins to function normally, and immediately everything feels off. First he notes the emptiness next to him, and then he wonders why the alarm clock hadn't woken him up early in the morning like it always did. But naturally, he remembers quickly.
Because KiBum always used to wake up early to spar.
But KiBum was gone.
2
He next notices when KyuHyun and SungMin invite HyukJae and him to lunch. It takes DongHae's mind off KiBum for a while, listening to his friends catch up with each others' lives. And even though seeing KyuHyun and SungMin on such good terms reminds him slightly of the relationship he himself used to have, it only registers vaguely in his mind.
But then, when it's time to pay the bill, DongHae realizes he has no money with him. He wonders why he'd be stupid enough to go out without bringing money with him, but the answer comes long before HyukJae offers to pay for him.
Because KiBum always used to pay the bill for him.
But KiBum was gone.
3
He next notices that evening, when DongHae cooks dinner for himself. He'd rejected HyukJae's offer to give him company; in truth, he knew the pity would only make him feel worse about himself. It takes much effort to convince everyone that he'll be fine for the night, but somehow he succeeds.
But in the midst of his absentmindedness, amidst stray thoughts of regret, sorrow and self-reflection, DongHae realizes that he's made too much ramen for dinner. He quickly goes back to the kitchen to package some for ShinDong, who'd be sure to enjoy it regardless of the occasion. And even though he tries his best to not give it much thought, he already knows the reason for his surplus.
Because he always used to cook for the both of them.
But KiBum was gone.
4
He next notices in the middle of the night, after waking up from a nightmare. His forehead is beaded with sweat; his breaths are raspy and come at uneven intervals. It's the same nightmare he's always experienced, the one in which for some reason no one is able to help him, the one in which he suffers alone.
"Kibummie, I'm scared," he mutters pathetically to the darkness. And in an instant he feels foolish for speaking to the silence, for almost instantly he realizes that in that silence there is no one. And though for a split second he wonders why he even bothered making the request aloud, it pains him to already know the answer.
Because KiBum always used to hold him at night whenever he had these nightmares.
But KiBum was gone.
5
DongHae stares into his phone, wondering what would happen if he tried calling KiBum. Two days have already passed since their argument, and already DongHae regrets having waited this long to apologize. But the fact that he still doesn't understand KiBum's source of rage only makes him all the more scared in apologizing, because DongHae does not want to tread on ground that might only further aid his downfall.
He searches for KiBum's name and leaves his name selected for several moments. Then, after mustering waning courage, he makes the call.
Before the phone even manages a single ring, DongHae chickens out and hangs up.
6
A day later, DongHae tries to phone KiBum once more. This time he forces himself to endure the agonizing dial tones, but upon hearing KiBum's voice on the answering machine he immediately hangs up. But he can't deny the fact that he misses hearing KiBum's voice, and the fact alone hurts him more than he ever knew.
7
In the middle of the night, perhaps a week into his solitude, DongHae attempts to reflect upon his old relationship once more. He personally felt as though he'd done nothing wrong. He'd treated KiBum well, he'd done everything the man had asked from him... he could not remember one moment in which DongHae had purposefully gone against KiBum's expressed wishes.
But it was perhaps for that reason exactly in which DongHae failed. KiBum didn't always express his wishes verbally, even though DongHae made it a point to encourage KiBum in doing so. Apparently KiBum had felt empty and unimportant, even going so far as to saying the relationship had become very one-sided.
Because KiBum found it distressing that DongHae was always eager to please him.
Because DongHae never seemed to ever ask anything of KiBum.
And now KiBum was gone.
8
DongHae wants to tell KiBum that he'd asked for nothing because he was content with the way things already were, because KiBum had already been perfect as he was. He wishes KiBum could understand that the only thing DongHae could ever ask of him is to hold him at night.
But somehow, he feels like he might never get that chance.
9
A month since the argument, and DongHae realizes that a month is too long. He wills himself to accept this change, to ignore all the reminders that insist on imprinting KiBum's presence in his heart, and to allow himself to look at the distance ahead, instead of the past behind.
He opens up to HyukJae once more, who immediately warms up to the fact that his friend has finally remembered his existence. He visits KyuHyun, SungMin, and the others more, and he begins to realize -- no, remember -- that there're others there for him, that KiBum had not been the only figure in his life. And even though the empty bed he sleeps in every night refuses to let him forget of what he once had, he slowly becomes numb to the pain.
10
DongHae sees KiBum for the first time in six months.
The meeting is awkward. DongHae manages an apology, and KiBum accepts it silently. They catch up over coffee, but only as friends.
The years of being together flood into DongHae's conscience in the half hour they spend together. How much sugar and cream KiBum puts in his drink, how he takes small sips each time, how a small bit always manages to remain on his lips -- even the direction in which he stirs -- they all provoke memories DongHae had spent months trying to forget.
When it's time to part ways, KiBum allows DongHae one last hug and one last kiss. DongHae makes it quick; he does not want to prolong a pain for longer than it needs to be.
Though neither man acknowledges it, DongHae knows this is an indefinite farewell. And as he watches KiBum walk away, he begins to truly comprehend the realization of KiBum's departure.
Because KiBum had truly been the one man DongHae saw himself spending the rest of his life with.
Because DongHae, admittedly, still loved him.
And now KiBum was gone.
Like I said above, I'm going to write the romance/smut one next, so I promise I don't write all angst stuff! Mianhae, please forgive me!
Title: Conflict (#4)
Word Count: 1246
Rating: PG(-13, to be safe)
Started/Finished: 12.07.09 / 12.07.09
Music Muse: Yesung, "Love Really Hurts"
Description: He only notices when he's gone.
Conflict
0
DongHae only notices it when he's gone.
Initially, there had been no realization. The slamming of a door, the downpour of tears, the sobbing into HyukJae's shoulders -- those had all been natural, immediate reactions. Self-loathing, confusion, and sorrow -- those had all been natural, immediate emotions. But the consequences -- no. DongHae had not realized them initially.
1
He first notices the morning after, when the sun's rays pierces through his closed eyelids and forces him awake. He doesn't see anything wrong with this initially, not while his mind's gears were still beginning to turn. He hadn't gotten any sleep the previous night, so naturally he'd woken up late.
But then his brain finally overcomes morning amnesia and begins to function normally, and immediately everything feels off. First he notes the emptiness next to him, and then he wonders why the alarm clock hadn't woken him up early in the morning like it always did. But naturally, he remembers quickly.
Because KiBum always used to wake up early to spar.
But KiBum was gone.
2
He next notices when KyuHyun and SungMin invite HyukJae and him to lunch. It takes DongHae's mind off KiBum for a while, listening to his friends catch up with each others' lives. And even though seeing KyuHyun and SungMin on such good terms reminds him slightly of the relationship he himself used to have, it only registers vaguely in his mind.
But then, when it's time to pay the bill, DongHae realizes he has no money with him. He wonders why he'd be stupid enough to go out without bringing money with him, but the answer comes long before HyukJae offers to pay for him.
Because KiBum always used to pay the bill for him.
But KiBum was gone.
3
He next notices that evening, when DongHae cooks dinner for himself. He'd rejected HyukJae's offer to give him company; in truth, he knew the pity would only make him feel worse about himself. It takes much effort to convince everyone that he'll be fine for the night, but somehow he succeeds.
But in the midst of his absentmindedness, amidst stray thoughts of regret, sorrow and self-reflection, DongHae realizes that he's made too much ramen for dinner. He quickly goes back to the kitchen to package some for ShinDong, who'd be sure to enjoy it regardless of the occasion. And even though he tries his best to not give it much thought, he already knows the reason for his surplus.
Because he always used to cook for the both of them.
But KiBum was gone.
4
He next notices in the middle of the night, after waking up from a nightmare. His forehead is beaded with sweat; his breaths are raspy and come at uneven intervals. It's the same nightmare he's always experienced, the one in which for some reason no one is able to help him, the one in which he suffers alone.
"Kibummie, I'm scared," he mutters pathetically to the darkness. And in an instant he feels foolish for speaking to the silence, for almost instantly he realizes that in that silence there is no one. And though for a split second he wonders why he even bothered making the request aloud, it pains him to already know the answer.
Because KiBum always used to hold him at night whenever he had these nightmares.
But KiBum was gone.
5
DongHae stares into his phone, wondering what would happen if he tried calling KiBum. Two days have already passed since their argument, and already DongHae regrets having waited this long to apologize. But the fact that he still doesn't understand KiBum's source of rage only makes him all the more scared in apologizing, because DongHae does not want to tread on ground that might only further aid his downfall.
He searches for KiBum's name and leaves his name selected for several moments. Then, after mustering waning courage, he makes the call.
Before the phone even manages a single ring, DongHae chickens out and hangs up.
6
A day later, DongHae tries to phone KiBum once more. This time he forces himself to endure the agonizing dial tones, but upon hearing KiBum's voice on the answering machine he immediately hangs up. But he can't deny the fact that he misses hearing KiBum's voice, and the fact alone hurts him more than he ever knew.
7
In the middle of the night, perhaps a week into his solitude, DongHae attempts to reflect upon his old relationship once more. He personally felt as though he'd done nothing wrong. He'd treated KiBum well, he'd done everything the man had asked from him... he could not remember one moment in which DongHae had purposefully gone against KiBum's expressed wishes.
But it was perhaps for that reason exactly in which DongHae failed. KiBum didn't always express his wishes verbally, even though DongHae made it a point to encourage KiBum in doing so. Apparently KiBum had felt empty and unimportant, even going so far as to saying the relationship had become very one-sided.
Because KiBum found it distressing that DongHae was always eager to please him.
Because DongHae never seemed to ever ask anything of KiBum.
And now KiBum was gone.
8
DongHae wants to tell KiBum that he'd asked for nothing because he was content with the way things already were, because KiBum had already been perfect as he was. He wishes KiBum could understand that the only thing DongHae could ever ask of him is to hold him at night.
But somehow, he feels like he might never get that chance.
9
A month since the argument, and DongHae realizes that a month is too long. He wills himself to accept this change, to ignore all the reminders that insist on imprinting KiBum's presence in his heart, and to allow himself to look at the distance ahead, instead of the past behind.
He opens up to HyukJae once more, who immediately warms up to the fact that his friend has finally remembered his existence. He visits KyuHyun, SungMin, and the others more, and he begins to realize -- no, remember -- that there're others there for him, that KiBum had not been the only figure in his life. And even though the empty bed he sleeps in every night refuses to let him forget of what he once had, he slowly becomes numb to the pain.
10
DongHae sees KiBum for the first time in six months.
The meeting is awkward. DongHae manages an apology, and KiBum accepts it silently. They catch up over coffee, but only as friends.
The years of being together flood into DongHae's conscience in the half hour they spend together. How much sugar and cream KiBum puts in his drink, how he takes small sips each time, how a small bit always manages to remain on his lips -- even the direction in which he stirs -- they all provoke memories DongHae had spent months trying to forget.
When it's time to part ways, KiBum allows DongHae one last hug and one last kiss. DongHae makes it quick; he does not want to prolong a pain for longer than it needs to be.
Though neither man acknowledges it, DongHae knows this is an indefinite farewell. And as he watches KiBum walk away, he begins to truly comprehend the realization of KiBum's departure.
Because KiBum had truly been the one man DongHae saw himself spending the rest of his life with.
Because DongHae, admittedly, still loved him.
And now KiBum was gone.
(gets bricked for angst again)
Like I said above, I'm going to write the romance/smut one next, so I promise I don't write all angst stuff! Mianhae, please forgive me!
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