KiHae: Collapse (#3)

Ah, I'm so glad to hear that my first two went all right! Hopefully I can continue delivering the KiHae community with some good stories!

Title: Collapse (#3)
Word Count: 3318
Rating: PG(-13, to be safe)
Started/Finished: 12.05.09 / 12.05.09
Music Muse: Cho Kyuhyun, "7 Years of Love"
Description: One fall was all it took to get KiBum thinking.
Warning: Apparently this one is slightly OoC. Sorry. *shrug*

Collapse

It hadn't been on purpose. One moment everyone was practicing the choreography for their latest song, and all seemed to be going well. The moves were a lot harder than they usually were, and KiBum only began to wonder what dancing these moves and singing their song simultaneously would be like.

But then the next moment, before KiBum could even begin to anticipate that difficulty, a loud thud came from somewhere behind him. The music stopped, and everyone turned to the source of the disruption.

"Sorry," DongHae said pathetically, sprawled on the dance floor. "Must've lost my footing."

The leader of their group, LeeTeuk, stepped forward and knelt to his side. "You okay, though? Hurt anywhere?"

"Nah," said DongHae, getting to his feet. However, no one was convinced when, after standing up, he winced at and pseudo-limped because of his left foot.

"Better sit out for now," said LeeTeuk, though KiBum was not sure whether the leader was sympathetic or simply annoyed about the impediment on their practice. "If you force it now you're just gonna make it worse."

"Sorry," DongHae apologized, turning and limping toward the door. The eyes of the other Super Junior members continued to watch him as he hobbled towards the door.

For KiBum, watching him stumble his way to their on-spot paramedic and physical therapist was almost pitiful. Sure, they were only a few doors down, probably enjoying a drink or two until their assistance was needed (which, KiBum added to himself, goes completely against the idea of a paramedic), but for a handicapped person a couple of doors down may as well be a hundred.

And it was because of this, perhaps, that KiBum suddenly found himself saying, "Hyung, I'll make sure he gets there all right."

LeeTeuk sighed. "Fine. We'll be two members down though, so try to make it back quickly all right?"

"Yeah...." KiBum was pretty sure he felt the eyes of the other members as he hurried to catch up with DongHae.

Assisting him was pointless by then, especially since he was almost out the door already. Maybe it was really because KiBum pitied his state, or maybe it was because KiBum wanted a break from all the choreography practice.

Either way, KiBum knew it was worth it when DongHae turned to him with bright eyes saying, "Ah, Kibummie, you came for me."

"I told hyung I'd make sure you got there safely," KiBum replied, turning his gaze to the hallway they were now in. "Fifth door on the left."

"I know my way around," DongHae whined playfully. The two slowly made their way in silence, KiBum occasionally assisting the other whenever DongHae looked like he might lost his balance. Eventually DongHae resorted to hopping on his good foot, using KiBum as a balance... but even this tired DongHae out more quickly than he'd expected.

As they neared the fifth door, DongHae came to a stop. "KiBum-ah...."

KiBum, who was still confused as to why they stopped short of their destination, could only muster a "Yeah?" in response.

DongHae flustered and shook his head, turning away. "Ah, nothing, never mind...." KiBum frowned but said nothing, but internally he slowly began to wonder what DongHae had wanted to say. Especially with such a serious tone and face....

LeeTeuk wasn't too happy when KiBum had returned, but that was the least of the latter's concerns. Instead of thinking of his dance moves, KiBum could only think of swollen ankles and the serious face DongHae had given him only moments before.

Upon arriving to the dorms, KiBum immediately took it upon himself to feed DongHae's fish. He hadn't heard from DongHae since he'd seen him off back at the dance studio, and though he knew there was no way he could've been admitted to a hospital without hearing the accompanying sirens of an ambulance, he still did not know where exactly the man was now.

"It's not a serious injury," KiBum said quietly to the empty room. The silence that greeted him in return, however, was not encouraging.

He sighed. Their room was definitely not the same without DongHae in it. Yeah, KiBum had to admit, he did miss his roommate, his hyung, his friend, his....

His... what?

Out of boredom and curiosity, KiBum walked over to DongHae's side of the room. Naturally his things were kept relatively neat, as his schedule demanded him to go places every so often and there was no point in unpacking and repacking so often. However, on the desk was a single notebook, and though KiBum only vaguely registered the act as a violation of privacy he couldn't help but to peek at its contents.

The notebook itself was harmless. It seemed to be a notebook filled with translations of words to other languages. Kibum recognized some of the English words almost instantly, but there also seemed to be some Chinese characters he didn't recognize... probably Mandarin.

Several pages later, KiBum stumbled across an interesting page. It appeared to be some sort of poem, and as KiBum skimmed through it he realized it was a love poem. His eyes widened in surprise at this discovery, and at that instant he closed the notebook instantly.

"You've invaded his privacy enough," said the angel in his conscience.
"But if you keep reading, maybe you'll find out who he likes!" said his counterpart.

In the end, KiBum settled with asking DongHae himself. But in his absence, KiBum couldn't help but to wonder which mysterious girl had unknowingly earned the privilege of stealing DongHae's heart.



An hour or two later, KiBum heard a knock on the door.

"Come in," he said, and in came LeeTeuk. "Ah, hyung!"

"Just wanted to say sorry for being cold earlier," LeeTeuk said quickly. "I probably should have been more sympathetic." KiBum only nodded stiffly, giving no verbal response. However, this seemed to bother LeeTeuk, because moments later he said, "You're much more talkative around Hae, you know that?"

KiBum flushed. "Ah... I guess so." Then, perhaps on a hopeful whim, KiBum added, "Hyung, do you know who he likes?"

LeeTeuk's eyebrows arched. "Hae? Maybe. Not my place to tell you, though. Ask him yourself, he's on his way back."

"He is?" KiBum eyes shot wide with excitement. "Why didn't anyone tell me?"

LeeTeuk shrugged, turning away. "Anyway, ask him when he gets back. And HanKyung's making dinner, so be ready to eat in a little bit." KiBum said nothing as the leader made his way back out of the room; his mind was too focused on other things.

Just who did DongHae like, anyway?



As LeeTeuk had said, DongHae arrived moments later. KiBum was quick to give the man quite the greeting, complete with a hug and a pat on the back. Internally KiBum shameless admitted that LeeTeuk was right in that he really was more talkative around DongHae, but correcting this habit was the least of his worries.

"Noona iced it a bit and massaged it or something," DongHae explained rather poorly, but it was enough for KiBum. The latter then proceeded in informing DongHae that his fish had already been fed. "One small pinch, right?"

"Of course."

"You're the best, Kibummie!" The smells of Hankyung's cooking were quite strong now, and as a result their conversation took a sharp turn towards Hankyung's masterpiece. But even that conversation didn't last, not while KiBum had other thoughts plaguing his mind.

"Jung-soo-hyung says I don't talk to people much unless I'm around you. Is that true?"

Donghae laughed. "Ah... I guess so."

KiBum noted immediately that that had been his exact response to LeeTeuk.

"He also told me you like someone," KiBum added, deciding against telling him he'd read it on the book on the table instead. But now, as he thought about it, he really did wonder why a book holding such a secret was haphazardly placed on the table in the open.

To KiBum's surprise, DongHae barked in surprise. "He did?"

KiBum now felt slightly guitly, but he nodded anyway. "Hyung, you never told me you had your eye on someone, now!"

DongHae flushed and turned away. "Ah, Kibummie, it's...."

"He wouldn't tell me who you liked though," said KiBum, emphasizing the disappointment in his tone. "So Hae, what lucky girl's got your attention?" For whatever reason (KiBum didn't know), DongHae suddenly blanked. His eyes were wide, as if in realization, but before KiBum could ask what he'd said wrong DongHae stepped backwards slightly.

"Kibum-ah...."

"Sorry hyung," said KiBum quickly, trying to correct the error he knew nothing about. "I guess I was getting too carried away with my curiosity.

DongHae shook his head. "Ah, no, not that. I... have something to tell you." KiBum nodded, still trying to figure out what he'd done wrong. Had it been because he'd been too inquisitive? Had he been disrespectful towards his elder? Maybe....

When DongHae made no notion to continue, KiBum frowned. "Same thing from earlier?" KiBum asked. "Hyung, you know you can tell me."

"I... that girl...." DongHae shook his head violently. "Ah, Kibum-ah, I can't say it."

"Tell me. Please?" He searched the shorter boy's face carefully for signs or hints but found none. The only thing he knew was that DongHae meant serious business, unless the hesitance and seriousness etched on his face were all an act.

The air between them was certainly tense, and now it was killing KiBum that DongHae was holding back. "What's the worse that could happen?" he tried reasoning. "I won't judge you for who you like or anything. I'm sure whoever the lucky girl is, she's lucky to have your heart."

"That's just it," DongHae said quietly. "That girl... isn't...."

"DINNER'S READY!"



Even though Hankyung's dinner had been wonderful, KiBum certainly hated that man's timing. Now that the two were no longer talking about it, it proved incredibly difficult to get DongHae back on the subject. It only caused KiBum to become more frustrated at his hyung, as now not only did he not know DongHae's secret love interest but he also wasn't trustworthy in DongHae's eyes.

In order to wake up early enough for their schedules the next day, all of the Super Junior members had been placed under a 10pm curfew. Not that KiBum was actually planning on sleeping at that time (he'd consider himself lucky if he actually managed to pull that off), but at least the lights would be off by that time.

It was about half an hour until that curfew, currently. DongHae was hunched over his desk, no doubt writing in that notebook KiBum had discovered moments earlier. He still desperately wanted to know who that poem was for, even if he didn't know the girl personally. He wasn't even sure why he was so curious, but the notion of not knowing something settled uneasily with him.

Here and there, when KiBum tried to bring up their previous discussion again, he'd try to sneak another peak at the book. DongHae would always hide the book from his sight, which only made it more difficult for KiBum to keep wondering. And eventually, when only fifteen minutes were remaining, KiBum had the nerve to bring it up.

"Hyung, what's in the book?" DongHae immediately spun around, a look of surprise on his face. Obviously, the man didn't realize KiBum had seen the book.

"Ah, Kibummie... just pictures of aliens and fish, useless stuff... a little Mandarin."

"And hearts?"

"Y-you saw those?" DongHae sputtered, glancing back at the book on the table. "Y-yeah... and hearts."

KiBum sighed, turning away. He would have to tell DongHae about having seen the book; it was only fair. And then, maybe if he was lucky.... "I saw the book on your desk earlier today," KiBum admitted in a low tone.

DongHae made no reply, and instead he turned around and resumed writing in the mysterious notebook. A wave of guilt washed over KiBum, and immediately he found himself trying to apologize again. But DongHae acknowledged none of his apologies, and eventually KiBum gave up altogether.

Five minutes to curfew, KiBum reminded DongHae of the time. "And I'm sorry, really," he added.

Much to KiBum's surprise, DongHae answered him. "Kibum-ah, what did you read?"

KiBum gulped. "What did I read?"

"Yeah. What did you read?"

KiBum paused to think. "I... well, not much. I saw your little Mandarin-Korean-English translations, and then I stumbled upon the love poem you wrote. That's when I saw you were talking about a girl you liked, so I got curious."

"That's all?" DongHae asked, and KiBum could have sworn he heard not relief but disappointment in his tone.

"Yeah." DongHae sighed, returning to the book. KiBum closed his eyes; they were so close to being back on topic, and maybe... just maybe.... "Who do you like, Hae? What did you want to tell me earlier?"

The response he'd gotten was not at all what KiBum had expected, though. DongHae had acted almost instantly. He spun quickly on his chair, and as if having the practice the act before he picked up his notebook from the desk and flung it at KiBum. KiBum only had a fraction of a second to react before it hit him squarely in the chest.

"Read that," DongHae said quietly, getting up from his chair. "I guess you have four minutes before the lights go out. Wake me up if you need anything."

"Hyung..." but the older man was done talking. KiBum watched quietly as DongHae crawled into his bed on the other side of the room, and he did not tear his gaze until he'd thrown the blankets completely over his head.

KiBum was now hesitant to read the book now in his hands. He hadn't meant DongHae to get so worked up over the question, and he didn't even know why DongHae was making such an innocent question a big deal. But in the end KiBum could not sate his own curiosity, and with maybe about two minutes before the curfew KiBum flipped the book open to the poem.

It now had a title, it seemed. KiBum scanned it once more, noticing immediately how much more DongHae had added to it since KiBum had last saw it. It was only about halfway through, though, when KiBum realized it wasn't a poem at all.

"Hyung, you're composing a song?" But DongHae did not respond, so KiBum merely returned to reading. According to the song, DongHae had met a girl long ago, a girl who was always quiet and didn't seem to talk to anyone. He was intrigued, naturally, and by his outgoing nature he decided to befriend the girl. As time passed the two became very close, the girl had even begun to talk more, and DongHae began to feel like he could trust that girl with anything and everything.

But not this, said the following line, and from there the song took a bit of a twist. DongHae could not trust the girl with one piece of information. He could not tell her that he'd slowly and hopelessly begun to fall in love with the girl. But more importantly, DongHae wanted to love her but couldn't, because the girl was too busy thinking he liked someone else.

The rest of the song was his sorrow and frustration tied together poetically, and by the end KiBum was impressed with DongHae's song. He wondered to himself if the song had been based on a real-life situation, but before KiBum could really ask the unresponsive DongHae he caught a small note at the bottom of the page.

Kibum, it said, does this sound all right to you?

Do you really want to know who the girl I like is?

What if the girl I liked isn't really a girl?
Would this song still sound all right?
What if the guy was someone you knew well?
Would this song still sound all right?
What if that guy was you?
Would this song still sound all right?

And before KiBum could really read anything else, the lights went off (followed by Heechul's laughter in the distance). He sat in silence, trying to take in what he'd just read. The girl was a guy, the guy was someone he knew well, that guy was....

Him.

He was the quiet guy DongHae had befriended years ago. He was the one who'd began to talk more. He was....

...the one DongHae liked.

...did he like him back?

KiBum didn't know. He never really gave liking another guy a thought. Especially towards the other Super Junior members, he saw them mostly as close brothers. But DongHae... closer than close...?

At the dance studio, wanting to assist DongHae.... Had that been...?
Waiting for DongHae to come home.... Had that been...?
Badly wanting to know who DongHae liked.... Had that been...?
Always apologizing for his mistakes with DongHae.... Had that been...?
Talking a lot more around him and being more open with him.... Had that been...?

KiBum sighed. DongHae meant something to him, that was a fact. If he rejected DongHae and if the man turned cold toward him, could KiBum really handle it? But then, should he accept just to keep DongHae close...?

No, that would be unfair.

...but then... what to do?

KiBum threw his fist at a nearby pillow. He was glad DongHae was asleep; he wouldn't see KiBum's anger this way. But why did he care about DongHae's feeling just as much as his own? Was the feelings for him more than brotherly...?

When Leeteuk had told him that observation earlier, he'd flushed hadn't he?

KiBum didn't know how to distinguish brotherly feelings from feelings of love, but they weren't that much different were they? The only way they differed was where they wanted to take the relationship between them....

I don't not like him, KiBum thought to himself. I just....

Just... what...?

KiBum sighed and stood up, walking over to DongHae's bed. The bed creaked beneath him as he sat upon its edge, and by the sounds of deep and relaxed breathing KiBum was certain DongHae had already fallen asleep. He really did look beautiful while sleeping though, even if the moonlight hadn't been reflecting itself onto his face. But he'd always been handsome, or at least KiBum had thought so....

"Ah Hae," KiBum said quietly, placing a hand on DongHae's side. "I... don't know what to say or how to feel. I don't not like you, but I... don't know. I'm not rejecting you, but I... don't know. I need time to think, so wait for me, all right?

"But I am sorry for making you go through so much. I wish you'd told me earlier. I know you don't like it when I apologize all the time, but... I don't like it when I do things that hurt you.

"Sorry, Hae." KiBum paused there. DongHae truly was asleep. KiBum had been hoping the other man was awake to hear him so that he wouldn't have to repeat it in the morning. Yet maybe by then, he would have sorted through his thoughts in order to prepare a more appropriate response.

He sighed, getting off the bed. With his right hand he brushed aside the strands of hair covering DongHae's forehead. Then, after another sigh, he bent down and kissed Donghae's forehead, whispering a quiet 'Mianhae' before straightening himself up once more.

He returned to his own bed and tucked himself under the covers. He didn't know what to think about DongHae's confession still, but the fact that he wasn't bothered by it had to mean something, right? DongHae was a close friend to him, and so long as he didn't leave....

He would let his subconscious deal with it all. Trusting that all would go well, he allowed himself to collapse into a world in which all mysteries were made clear.

And that night, he dreamed of DongHae.

END
KiHae: [1] [2] [3] [4] [5] [6] [7] [8] [9] [10] [11] [12] [13] [14] [15] [16]
(SuJu Archive)

(gets bricked for bad ending)

I ended it early because I still fail at overly romantic scenes. But it's now open ended, so feel free to let your mind fill in what follows. Comments and feedback are still nice!

J. Armstrong.