PS: SungMin is my new favorite, even though KiHae still remains in my heart.
Title: Happy (#3)
Word Count: 608
Rating: G?
Started/Finished: 12.10.09 / 12.10.09
Music Muse: BoA, "White Wishes"
Description: Happy probably isn't the best adjective you could have used.
Happy
Happy was what they all used to describe SungMin.
There was really no reason not to, though. There was hardly a moment in which SungMin was not seen smiling, whether at his fans or amongst the other members of Super Junior. He was also a very talented individual, and he seemed to always enjoy himself in the many areas in which he was talented. There really was no reason for someone of his capability to be anything but Happy.
That was what they all said.
SungMin, personally, would not have used that adjective to describe himself. It was quite easy for someone of his nature to fake a smile, to wear a mask to hide an unhappiness that was supposedly uncharacteristic of him. But it wasn't to say that SungMin was never Happy; he just wasn't Happy often.
No one was aware of this difference in perspective, however -- and SungMin made sure to keep it that way. No one would really understand him if they knew he was unhappy. They would call him talented and capable, and then they would tell SungMin that he could conquer whatever was plaguing him because there was nothing he couldn't do.
He was an expert at martial arts, he danced magnificently, he could cook, he could sing... the list went on. But thought while they all thought that list could never end, SungMin knew better than to believe them.
In fact, SungMin knew exactly where that list of things ended. It was true, when things were in his power, he was quite skilled in getting tasks done. But there were also things that could not be accomplished by his willpower and determination alone.
So his list ended where reliance on others became necessary. If they could not perform, then he in turn could not perform either. Therefore, there actually were things he could not do.
Not to say that all things he couldn't accomplish were things that made him unhappy, though. It was just that when things made him unhappy, they were usually things he could not accomplish or fix on his own. And it was because of these things that SungMin would never describe himself as being Happy.
Nowadays, "these things" usually meant Cho KyuHyun. Things in the plural, as in not being able to talk to KyuHyun more than he already did. In the plural, as in not being able to hug the younger man whenever he said something incredibly dorky, or at least not without his feelings getting in the way. Things in the plural, as in having said feelings get in the way of their friendship. Or maybe plural, as in just KyuHyun himself.
KyuHyun always made him the most unhappy, whether he did it willingly or not. Whether it was KyuHyun choosing Starcraft over answering SungMin's phone call, him being out of the country for painfully long periods of time, or him simply being out of SungMin's reach in more ways than physically, the younger man was always doing something that made SungMin unhappy.
And they were never really things SungMin could settle on his own.
His downfall.
But no one would ever know the unhappiness KyuHyun brought him -- not even KyuHyun himself. Because they would never understand. They wouldn't understand that SungMin was actually incapable of certain things. In this case, they wouldn't understand that SungMin was actually incapable of pursuing and attaining KyuHyun for himself.
So instead, SungMin wore the smiles as he always did, keeping his troubles within the mask he placed between the world and himself.
And this was why Happy was what they all used to describe SungMin.
I wrote too many happy fics recently, so I had to write this one. Sorry.
I absolutely love how many people are using the Like and Dislike buttons! However, if you really do have time to leave a comment, I would really appreciate those more. But I still thank you for your efforts~!
Also, does anyone know if there's an LJ community for KyuMin? I mean obviously, there is, but like... what is it? Lol. But I feel like most people read miracle______ anyway, so I guess it really isn't necessary to my fics known there.
There was really no reason not to, though. There was hardly a moment in which SungMin was not seen smiling, whether at his fans or amongst the other members of Super Junior. He was also a very talented individual, and he seemed to always enjoy himself in the many areas in which he was talented. There really was no reason for someone of his capability to be anything but Happy.
That was what they all said.
SungMin, personally, would not have used that adjective to describe himself. It was quite easy for someone of his nature to fake a smile, to wear a mask to hide an unhappiness that was supposedly uncharacteristic of him. But it wasn't to say that SungMin was never Happy; he just wasn't Happy often.
No one was aware of this difference in perspective, however -- and SungMin made sure to keep it that way. No one would really understand him if they knew he was unhappy. They would call him talented and capable, and then they would tell SungMin that he could conquer whatever was plaguing him because there was nothing he couldn't do.
He was an expert at martial arts, he danced magnificently, he could cook, he could sing... the list went on. But thought while they all thought that list could never end, SungMin knew better than to believe them.
In fact, SungMin knew exactly where that list of things ended. It was true, when things were in his power, he was quite skilled in getting tasks done. But there were also things that could not be accomplished by his willpower and determination alone.
So his list ended where reliance on others became necessary. If they could not perform, then he in turn could not perform either. Therefore, there actually were things he could not do.
Not to say that all things he couldn't accomplish were things that made him unhappy, though. It was just that when things made him unhappy, they were usually things he could not accomplish or fix on his own. And it was because of these things that SungMin would never describe himself as being Happy.
Nowadays, "these things" usually meant Cho KyuHyun. Things in the plural, as in not being able to talk to KyuHyun more than he already did. In the plural, as in not being able to hug the younger man whenever he said something incredibly dorky, or at least not without his feelings getting in the way. Things in the plural, as in having said feelings get in the way of their friendship. Or maybe plural, as in just KyuHyun himself.
KyuHyun always made him the most unhappy, whether he did it willingly or not. Whether it was KyuHyun choosing Starcraft over answering SungMin's phone call, him being out of the country for painfully long periods of time, or him simply being out of SungMin's reach in more ways than physically, the younger man was always doing something that made SungMin unhappy.
And they were never really things SungMin could settle on his own.
His downfall.
But no one would ever know the unhappiness KyuHyun brought him -- not even KyuHyun himself. Because they would never understand. They wouldn't understand that SungMin was actually incapable of certain things. In this case, they wouldn't understand that SungMin was actually incapable of pursuing and attaining KyuHyun for himself.
So instead, SungMin wore the smiles as he always did, keeping his troubles within the mask he placed between the world and himself.
And this was why Happy was what they all used to describe SungMin.
I wrote too many happy fics recently, so I had to write this one. Sorry.
I absolutely love how many people are using the Like and Dislike buttons! However, if you really do have time to leave a comment, I would really appreciate those more. But I still thank you for your efforts~!
Also, does anyone know if there's an LJ community for KyuMin? I mean obviously, there is, but like... what is it? Lol. But I feel like most people read miracle______ anyway, so I guess it really isn't necessary to my fics known there.
SPOT! and there is a kyumin comm!!
ReplyDelete~~ (insert the typical LJ address for a comm here)/kyu_min
MIGOD!
ReplyDeleteur fics are too GOOD!
i FREAKING love them!
@onetruemei I'll await your comments =)
ReplyDelete@fuyumis4 thanks for the compliments, lol. I try my best :)
Why is the title "happy" while the fic is not happy at all?? TT^TT
ReplyDeleteIt's so so beautiful though, and again, so real~~
And the community is here
:D
@fanmin if you read the description... and on miracle______ i made sure to tell people not to be fooled by the title =\
ReplyDeleteThanks for the comments, though! =D
Yeah, I should have read~
ReplyDeleteBut it really is okay because your angst fics are very beautiful, haha, so write more~~~ :]
it's as if you really know sungmin inside out.
ReplyDeletejudging sungmin by facevalue alone, he seems to be hiding behind a mask all the time. in a sense, his reactions are guarded.
it's either we see him as his cute and bubbly self, or the sungmin who's able to capture the audience with his onstage charisma.
imo, the fic fits sungmin perfectly.
love how this was written.
I DONT MIND ANGSTY FICS AT ALL (you're already aware of this).
i'm actually looking forward to more. XD
@yum gums ahhh thanks im glad it worked out! And yes, as I've said, you really are the only one i know who likes the angst, hahaha. And you will indeed get more! Im actually starting a chaptered fic soon~
ReplyDeleteSo pretty! But so heartbreaking, at the same time. I have to admit, I subscribe to the "There isn't anything Sungmin can't do" camp, but I suppose there have to be some things he can't do (otherwise he would be a robot... which would be cool...) It' so sad that the only things he can't do are the ones he really really wants to be able to do, though...
ReplyDeleteIt's also so sad how he feels he has to hide his unhappiness, and that no one else even considers that his happiness is just a front.
Ah, you're too good at angst :P
@cho-min ahh thanks for the comments! the idea came from a youtube video i was watching, literally titled "what can't sungmin do?" haha.
ReplyDeleteand uh, i hope the good at angst is a compliment? =\
I'll have to look up that video (spoiler alert: Sungmin can do anything!)
ReplyDeleteAlso, being good at angst is definitely a compliment ^^